Herbs are overpowered. Well, Qi is pretty intense too. I guess it’s kind of a mix between the medicinal properties of the magical drugs and the fact that I became an Apprentice. Within an hour of drinking that nasty shit-tea and eating those five super-biscuits, I was able to take the gauze off of my dick and even my ass was mostly healed.

I almost didn’t notice it at first, but after I was finished pissing in my really fancy palace bathroom, I yelled “Holy cuntballs, I got circumcised!” Before I was reincarnated, I never had any foreskin, so I couldn’t really get used to it. When I found out that it was gone, I was happy. It always looked weird to me and I felt like I needed to clean it out all the time. As for the difference in sensation… It was all the same to me.

I used a small hand mirror that I found underneath the sink, to make sure that my anus wasn’t totally ruined. Fortunately, the damage had been mostly internal, which meant that there wasn’t any scar tissue on the outside.

After I took a really painful shit, I got in what I had assumed what just a shower. It was rectangular and big enough to fit several people inside. When I closed the glass door, it sealed and locked itself, then a large hole opened up on the ceiling and a torrent of fresh water flooded the whole container. Fortunately, I managed to take a deep breath before the air was all gone. Dozens of hot jets sprayed soap and bathsalts all over the place. Thirty seconds went by and the water rapidly drained, but I only had a few moments to breathe, before more clean water flooded in and rinsed me off properly. Once it was finished, the door unlocked and I was able to open it again.

As I was drying myself off, I heard a familiar voice whispering “Levi… I’m sorry for hurting you. Are you still mad at me?”

“Xiaotong, I was never angry to begin with. Besides, it wasn’t your fault. It all worked out in the end though, look, we aren’t trapped in that cave anymore. They gave us our own room and everything.” I wrapped the large white towel around my waist and opened the door.

There was a naked woman laying face-down on the middle of my queen-sized bed. Her white robe was folded up and sitting on a cabinet against the wall, while her jewelry was in a pile on the nightstand. Xiaotong yelled “W-What happened when I was sleeping?! You already picked a different girl to-”

“No I didn’t! This is Mei, my um, roommate I guess? Anyway, she wasn’t like this when I went into the bathroom…” I walked over and looked through a few drawers, before finding a decent amount of clothes. However, there were no boxers or even briefs, just a bunch of silk robes. I picked out a black one and put it on, then threw the towel into a bin in the corner.

The door was locked, so I was still technically a prisoner, but at least my accommodations were nicer. I went over to the side of the bed, reached out and nudged the unconscious woman’s left shoulder. Then she rolled over onto her side and mumbled “Mnn~, whaddya want? Go away~…”

Mei had big breasts and she wasn’t what I would consider ‘in shape’. Not quite chubby, but she also didn’t have ripped abs or anything like that. As I was about to move away, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into her chest. While she was smothering me in her tits, Xiaotong asked “Do you want me to zap her?”

I immediately whispered “Fuck no, this is awesome… Don’t worry, if I’m in trouble, I’ll let you know.” Honestly, it was the first time that I had ever been in that kind of situation before. Having a naked woman pulling me into bed, wrapping her legs around mine, squeezing my entire body so tightly that I thought that I might get crushed. Hell, I had never even kissed a girl and the weirdest part of all, was the fact that I was in the body of a child. She was forty-five years old and looked like a teenager.

No, the strangest thing was that I wasn’t getting horny for some reason. It was like there was a mental block preventing me from becoming aroused. I grumbled “Xiaotong, why are you getting so pissed off at me?”

She muttered “It’s not right… Just because she’s a Human like you, it’s not fair. Levi, I don’t want you to put your thingy inside of her… You promised that you would do that to me.”

“Ugh, I know, calm down~. I wasn’t going to have sex with her anyway. But, I do plan on enjoying this little vacation as much as possible. Besides, she’s the one who’s supposed to make sure I fulfill my end of that deal I made…” When I finished talking, my penis started getting hard and poked out through my black robe. I could feel it rubbing against her surprisingly long and straight pubic hair. Fortunately, I was so small that our junk wasn’t quite aligned properly. My dick was so tiny that it probably wouldn’t have mattered much either way, but still, I would have felt guilty for various reasons.

Of course, right when I was getting comfortable, the door slammed open. A huge wrinkly hand grabbed the back of my neck and ripped me out of Mei’s sexy embrace. Then I was quickly pulled out of the room, as I watched that beautiful woman yawn and get underneath the covers. She didn’t even wake up as Di’s raspy voice was screaming in my ear.

“Ya damn brat! If ya got that much energy, then ya should be trainin! Cultivation gets harder as ya get older! There might be an age limit, but that’s just the extreme barrier where the Heavens prevent ya from progressing any further! Why do ya think that lazy cunt in there is only level-three, huh?! If ya don’t go forward, then ya fall backwards! I still need ta cultivate every single day, just ta stay where I am! Even though I’ll never be able ta take a step into the Master Stage, I’ll be damned if I’m gonna fall from the peak uh Expert before I die!”

It was the fate of Mortals that they would always need to struggle against time. Most people wouldn’t have the patience and determination required to fight their fate and overcome their own mortality. Fuck my life, I would have totally given up too, if it weren’t for the fact that I was created with an unfair advantage or two.

Not only did I have a mysterious ‘Eternal’ Cultivation Method, but I was also given dark-violet Innate Talent. That Goddess of Nudity probably wanted me to have enough motivation to suffer forever. Back then I didn’t have a purpose or a reason in my new life; my desires mostly stemmed from lust. I didn’t realize how much that supreme bitch had been manipulating me… I had no clue that all the seemingly random bullshit was the guidance of some ultimate being.

***

As I was being carried through the illustrious palace hallways, I was totally disoriented and confused. After a few minutes, I was thrown down onto a huge leather mat. When I stood up and looked around, I could see exercise equipment everywhere. It was really fancy and the weights were made out of gold, but it was basically just a gym.

I could see men and women wearing leotards, robes and bathing suits all over the place. There were only a few dozen people and hundreds of different machines to use. Cages and fighting rings were spread out all over the enormous room. I saw a few tigers, wolves and even a kangaroo, though they were all a little ‘odd’ in various ways.

“Alright Kid, I’ve been neglecting it for a while now… But ya gotta learn how ta defend yourself. When we get back home, I can teach ya bout Shaman stuff. For now though, I might as well show ya some normal combat techniques!”

The old man was wearing his karate outfit and had a serious look on his face as it took up a fighting stance. He released a flurry of swift punches and each one caused sonic booms. It was more like the crack of a bullwhip than a jet flying by, but it was still deafening when being directed towards my face.

“Was that really necessary?! Shit!” I held my ears, though it was already too late to prevent the damage that was already done.

Once the ringing stopped, I heard him say “Oh yeah, sorry bout that… Kinda forgot ya were so weak. Novices and Apprentices mainly strengthen their skin, muscles and bones. Adepts work on their vital and sensory organs. Experts do a bit of everything, but tend to focus on Qi. Well, ya ain’t gotta worry bout that shit yet. Hmmm, I guess I’ll just do it slowly. Take up a proper stance Brat! Throw out yer fists the way I do… This is called boxing.”

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