Have you ever had a dream, which you thought was definitely real, but then you wake up and realize that your life is the true nightmare? I still can’t believe this is reality… No, I just don’t want this to be real.

I dreamt that Azra was still alive. Then he turned into a little Japanese girl for some reason. At some point he was like, an elf or maybe a dwarf of some kind. I’m not really that great with fantasy stuff, but he always loved it. It’s probably just my subconscious trying to tell me that I murdered my brother. I was responsible…

We had the wake today at our house. All my aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives were there. They all talked about how Azra was a hero for saving me, how they think we should sue the company who owns the truck that killed him… But it was obvious that all they cared about was money. Most of them didn’t even know my brother and some were even angry at him because he refused to give them anything.

When my biological mother was pregnant with me, she was broke, homeless and addicted to painkillers that she couldn’t afford. Mom and Dad were living at a U.S. Army base in Japan, so they had no idea what was even happening. They found out after my bio-mom committed suicide, that she begged for help from all my aunts and uncles first.

I’m so tired… I’ve probably cried more in the past three days than I have throughout the rest of my entire life. It’s good that I didn’t run away, ‘cause I don’t think that I would be able to survive this without my parents.

My throat’s sore and I’ve got a really bad migraine, so I’m going to cut this entry short and just go to sleep. Tomorrow is the funeral.

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