I had another dream about Azra last night, obviously. It wasn’t even that weird, but more like an old memory that I had totally forgotten about. I was thirteen and he was fifteen. We went down to Pasadena and visited our grandparents on my mother’s side.

They had this big waterfront house… We swam in the dirty creek with a couple of my other cousins. Went kayaking all the way down to the bay and back. We even got out and played around on a few of the tiny islands down there. Heh~, they probably eroded down to nothing by now though.

My Pop-Pop died a few days later from a heart attack. Then, when I was sixteen, Grandmom passed away from a staph infection, among other things. She always had a problem with obesity, but considering how much junk food she ate and the fact that she never exercised… It’s really not that surprising.

I’m different though… It’s like, no matter how much I try to work out or lose weight, I just can’t. I don’t even eat sweets or fatty foods. Sure, I might not be as fitness-crazy as Mom, but I walk and stuff… Most of the farming is done by machines, like tractors. We don’t have any animals, at least not livestock. In Queen Anne’s County, it’s pretty much all about corn.

Our house is actually surrounded by a wooden fence that kind of insulates us from our own property. We live in a cul-de-sac with about five other houses, but we own all the farmland that surrounds us. It’s a total of roughly two-hundred and forty acres, so it’s pretty small compared to the other fields in the area.

Okay, I’ll stop dragging this out now… The funeral was nice, I guess. Almost everyone was crying, except a few of my male cousins. Guys tend to hold in their emotions more. Uncle Felix was bawling the entire time though.

At Pop-Pop and Grandmom’s funerals and wakes, only a few of my aunts were upset. But that was different… They were in their eighties and we knew that they weren’t going to live much longer. Azra was only twenty-five! Regardless of the problems he had with my other relatives, they didn’t hate each other. No one was angry at me either. Even when I gave a eulogy, basically confessing the fact that it was my fault my brother died, they either didn’t believe me or simply didn’t care.

It’s over now. Azra is in the ground, next to my grandparents and biological mother. But what am I supposed to do now? I never really had a plan before this either. Maybe I’ll become a Blogger or something? Would people really want to read about my stupid life though? I should adopt a kitten… or a puppy, or both.

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