Matthew’s happiness was brought about by the fact that he managed to get so many cards of the same type, cost and rarity. Thus, his fusion results would be far more predictable. Also, “It seems like Azrael’s cards don’t include any sex toys or ghostly dicks…”
The first thing he did was fuse Simple Rifle Rounds and Simple Pistol Rounds. The result was unsurprisingly another type of ammunition.
[Item: Magnum Pistol Rounds
Mana Cost: 3
Description: Summons 10 to 30 simple pistol cartridges. Some of the rounds may be defective, while others might have pristine quality. Some of the bullets will have cupronickel jackets, while most of them will be solid lead. All of the FMJ bullets will have soft lead cores. These cartridges will have significantly more gunpowder than Simple Pistol Rounds, which makes them more powerful and dangerous. The size and caliber of the cartridges will change depending on the pistols that are in play.]
“Cool… I mean, the prospect of having them misfire and blow off my hand or face is kinda scary, but if I was wearing protective gear it’d probably be fine. Actually, I probably won’t even be the one using them in the first place.”
After that, he fused the Simple Bolt-Action Rifle and Simple Revolver Pistol, which also created a fairly useful card.
[Item: Simple Revolver Pistols
Mana Cost: 3
Description: Summons 2 Simple Revolver Pistols. These weapons will conform to the dimensions of the intended operators. Thus, the caliber, length of the barrels and other key features will vary greatly. The shape and design of the guns are not fixed, so there will be many variables. The internal revolving magazines will be able to hold 5 to 7 rounds. Ammo is not provided.]
“I probably shouldn’t test my luck anymore than this though.” He had plenty of Common and Uncommon cards now, but he didn’t have any that he was willing to sacrifice.
[Summoner: Matthew Leblanc
ID Code: Trashmob-707
Description: A scumbag who treats his Summoned Heroes as disposable pawns.]
His deck was expanding rapidly, but that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. The more cards he had, the lower the probability of drawing the ones that he wanted, when he would need them. Since he added new cards to his deck, he had to shuffle them all together and draw four new cards to his hand.
“Guess Mike is outta the graveyard now…” Matthew’s first draw was Michael, but the second made him cringe. He complained “I’m afraid to even Summon this damn Ghost Dick. Wouldn’t it try to rape me and anything else I Summon?”
[Possibly, though you might be able to control it with the Spirit Strengthening Sutra.]
However, his other two cards didn’t include Spirit Strengthening Sutra. They were Water Qi Crystals and Alpha Healing Nanites.
[I have a suggestion…]
“I know what you’re gonna say already.” Matthew heaved a long sigh, then leaned back against his chair and looked up at the blank ceiling. He muttered “Five years… I’ve been single for at least five years now. No, not just single. Lots of single guys sleep around, but I… Hmmm, well, Mom would never forgive me if I started acting like a slut.”
[If you had contracted various sexually transmitted diseases, you life would have been much more challenging.]
“Are you telling me that I should try to contract STDs in order to earn some kinda achievement? Because I refuse to do that.” He clicked on the Chaotica’s Coliseum 3 icon. Seven planets were orbiting a relatively small, pink star. As he hovered over them, he asked “Why is the first one unavailable?”
[Asura-1, Pride, is a gas giant. In the original game, it was possible to visit the many moons, which were in fact… Entire planets. Unfortunately, due to copyright issues and overall lack of interest, the concept of Pride was abandoned. It was mostly a battlefield and war simulator. There were also many survival elements. Pride itself, does still exist in Chaotica’s Coliseum 3, but mostly as an Endgame Zone. You need to be at least Rank-B to access it.]
“And the second one says I can’t access it until I reach Rank-G…” He grumbled, staring at the much smaller, golden planet. There were also silver oceans.
[Asura-2, also known as Greed. Mainly casinos and resorts. There are arenas, but rather than fighting in them, you simply watch the matches and place bets. Of course, you can also send your slaves, minions or followers into the pits to battle for your amusement.]
“I’m sorry, what?” Matthew frowned.
[It is possible to purchase slaves, hire minions and obtain followers within the game itself. This is unrelated to your abilities as a Summoner, as most Players do not even possess Mods in the first place.]
“Oh, I thought you were saying that I treated Mike and Iris like slaves. Because I definitely didn’t.” He sighed, apparently still feeling guilty about the way they died for him.
[Asura-3 is Lust, the planet that you will be traveling to… The matches will be fairly simple. You can either kill your opponent, or force them to orgasm. Obviously you do not need to perform personally, as you have Summoned Creatures to do your bidding. However, I would still suggest opening the Advanced Settings and choosing between males, females and neutrals. Neutrals either possess both male and female genitalia, or neither.]
“Phew~, I can’t believe I’m really gonna do this.” Right after he selected ‘females’ and was about to enter the game, he suddenly asked “You said that the first one to orgasm loses… But what happens if I Summon Mike and he cums after a few seconds? Will we lose?”
[He will die. But you will not lose the match. Be advised that it is very common for participants to use their sexuality to distract and confuse their opponents, before ultimately killing them directly. When you become Ranked, your opponents will possess magical abilities, weapons and armor or could even be magical beasts.]
“Hmmm, well, if Mike can’t get the job done, I’ll keep the ghostly dildo as an emergency weapon.” Steeling his resolve, Matthew returned to Hell.
The arena was a brightly-lit octagonal room. There were huge mirrors on each of the walls, while the high ceiling was covered with fluorescent lights. The ground was soft, a shaggy brown carpet.
Unlike in the arena of Wrath, the two enemies weren’t separated by metal bars. Instead, they were trapped within what appeared to be giant shot-glasses. When Matthew arrived, the first thing he noticed was that he looked much younger than before. He was still technically middle-aged, but he was only in his forties at most.
“Hmmm, I hope he isn’t pissed off at me.” After hesitating for a moment, he threw out the card. It flew roughly three meters and then smacked into the glass wall across from where he was sitting.
“Holy fucksauce!” Michael jumped up off the ground, stared at Matt for a few seconds, then asked “Did you get younger since the last time we met?”
“It seems like whenever I gain a level, I get a bit younger. The last time I was level one, and now I’m level three.” Matthew tried not to look directly at the naked man, “So umm… I don’t know how to say this, but this is a different part of Hell.”
“Which part? If you make me fight a motherfucking bear with a goddamn dildo again, I will literally strangle you to death.” After sitting down onto the carpet, Michael glanced behind Matt and noticed that there was a woman in the shot-glass across from them. She was pressing her rather large and pale breasts up against the transparent wall, licking it and thrusting her pelvis uncontrollably.
“Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me…” Michael sighed dramatically, then asked “What are the rules?”
Matt bit his lower lip for a few seconds, then explained “This is Chaotica’s Coliseum 3, that’s the name of the game. We were on the planet Wrath before.”
“Hahahaha~!” Michael started laughing hysterically, before complaining “For fuck’s sake! This is Lust?! So you weren’t satisfied with having me kill and die for you, but now you’re even turning me into a whore?!”
“Uhm… Well, I mean, you don’t have to have sex. We win as long as the other side dies. But if you have an orgasm, you die. So…” The middle-aged man coughed a few times, choking on his own spit out of nervousness.
Mike shrugged his shoulders and stood up, “Whatever… It’s been for fucking ever since the last time I had sex with an actual person. No matter what, screwing this crazy cougar will still be a hundred times better than jerking off to zombies and ‘parts’ of zombie bitches.”
Okay, I definitely don’t remember them going to Lust in Volume 1 lmao. Fml, I wrote this in December and I already can’t remember what happened back then?