SDC V1 Chapter 23: Testing

When I came back down to the basement, I decided to have Ana be my main body for the ominous math test. Partially because her ass was still a little sore, but also due to her eyesight being significantly better.

I was actually getting kinda tired. Even though I hadn’t been awake very long, it was like I ‘experienced’ double that time. Of course, I also had two brains to deal with the memories or whatever. It was still tiring though, since it was my first day in my new form of existence.

“Alright… Let’s get this shitshow over with…” I murmured, as I looked down at my worn-out cheap black keyboard and used my red, wireless mouse to click open the document.

[Basic Mathematics Comprehension Test]

That was the name, and it was pretty fucking accurate.

[If 1+1+3=2 and 1+3=2, what does 2 equal?]

“Oh god damn it…” Yep, it was some IQ Test type of bullshit. It wasn’t even multiple choice, so I couldn’t even leave it up to chance. My guess was ‘5 and 4’, but I had no idea if that was right.

[If there are 435 days in a year, 7 years in a decade and 19 decades in a century, how many hours are there in a day?]

“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” I grumbled as I wrote down ‘Not Enough Information’. Since from my perspective, there really was no way to know whether an hour was sixty minutes or whether minutes even existed in that theoretical situation.

Then there was just plain multiplication and equation problems, which didn’t seem to have any traps or tricks. When it came to quadratic equations, I honestly had no clue how to solve them. I didn’t even know what they were at first.

By the end of that nightmare, I really was mentally exhausted. Over a hundred problems in total. I barely understood half of them. It took me at least an hour total. Once I finished, I said “Now what?” And the document vanished.

I was staring at my email page again, waiting for some kinda response. Then suddenly I saw a pleasant notification.

[Service@MiscellaneousBank.com: You received 50.00 USD from an anonymous donor.]

Honestly, if they would have asked me to finish that test for fifty dollars, I would have said “Fuck no.” But hey, it wasn’t a bad reward for an hour worth of work. I definitely didn’t want to do that again though.

[∞: Many of the questions had no answer, thus you did fairly well. Although your combined intelligence should be greater than an average human, it would still be impossible for you to instantly know information that you previously ignored or did not learn. It was a test of tenacity and morality. Would you cheat, even though you were warned? Would you actually finish the test, even though it was essentially meaningless? That is why you passed. Many of the Fathers were not willing to fulfill their end of the contract. The Mothers have proven just as unwilling to cooperate. The Experiments themselves are typically raised by the parent, unless they are failures like Anael. Typically they are disposed of…]

“Okay then… It seems kinda suspicious that you’re telling me all this shit? Also, most people probably don’t live in a freezing fucking basement and write stories all day, every day, while getting paid almost nothing. Ana might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life. So if you… Ever decided to try and take her from me…” I smiled and laughed as Ana, then glared at the screen with both my faces.

Before switching to Michael and growling, “Then you’ll find out just how fucking crazy I actually am.”

I switched back to Ana and asked, “So what’s next? I might just be some obscure webnovel author, chronic masturbator and video game addict, but I do have other skills. Like music. I’m not particularly good at percussion, but anything with strings is within my area of expertise. I can sing too… Or maybe you just wanna watch me fuck myself some more? For the right price, I’m willing to do some really nasty shit… Like kissing.”

[∞: We are not your enemy. Although we might above the laws of most governments, we do not go out of our way to antagonise them either. Our goal is the survival of humanity. We also have our own code of ethics. For example, Experiment-77 was deemed a failure at birth. Yet we continued to keep her alive until she fully matured, still in a comatose state. Then we allowed you to exist as you are, without our interference or any invasive testing. We even pay you to answer some questions or perform simple tasks.]

“Yeah, yeah, I get it already.” I snickered, shaking my heads as I inquired, “So the next task is what?”

[∞: It is completely unknown how long either of your bodies can remain functional. However, it would be dangerous to test something like that so soon. For now, we have two tasks for you to complete. The first one is an ongoing reproductive test. Copulate… Perform standard sexual intercourse, while ejaculating within Anael. Whether you become pregnant or not is irrelevant, though we will be testing your urine and blood regularly, so we will let you know as soon as we have confirmation that you have any irregularities that you should be concerned about. Since there are obviously great risks involved, the payment will be 100 USD per ejaculation. If you do happen to become pregnant… That task will obviously end, but much more lucrative opportunities will exist.]

At first I was frowning, but once I saw the reward, I immediately changed my attitude. Maybe a hundred dollars was nothing to them? Because even with just normal jerking off, I can’t remember a time when I did it less than once a day. The average though, was about three or four times. I was already getting aroused just thinking about how much money I would be making…

[∞: The other task, will also be an ongoing one. Everytime you wake up, we would like for you to give us a detailed account of the dream you had. Even if you have no dreams, we will still pay you 20 USD to tell us that. Depending on how much you can remember from your dreams, and whether that information is useful to us, you will be paid much more. Remember that you do not need to contact us. We are monitoring you at all times. Simply speak, and we will hear you. We will converse again tomorrow, for now, you should rest.]

Like I said, they were surprisingly nice. Would have been awkward if they said ‘Goodnight’ though. Anyway, I was excited. Imagine a world, where you get paid to talk to yourself? I mean, I would have done weird shit like that even if no one was listening. So it was a win-win situation for me.

Was I upset that basically every facet of my life was being observed and analyzed in real-time by cockroaches, mice and other random creatures that infested my home? Sure, but it also kinda turned me on to know that I was being watched while having sex. Not a particularly rare fetish, I know.

After both of my bodies stood up, I finally realized how badly I needed to piss again. This time however, I didn’t forget to take that dish on my desk upstairs and put it in the plastic bin on the counter, to the right of the sink. Yeah, in case you thought I just forgot to mention what happened to that plate, I almost did. It was a common occurance really. Sometimes I would forget empty bowls or plates and leave them on my desk overnight. It would have been really bad to leave that blue-cheese and other types of dressing on a ceramic plate for more than a few hours though. There were also some mushy croutons left over.

It was almost time for me to go the fuck to sleep. And by that, I mean that I was going to be up for at least a few more hours, but I was done eating for the day. Thus, it was time to brush my teeth.

Fortunately, I always kept an unopened, space electric toothbrush laying around. I’m not even making that up. My father bought two of them like three months before then, but I only got around to opening the first, tiny one. Even though it was thin, light and only needed a single AA battery to function, that little bastard was still going strong. Of course, both my bodies wouldn’t fit in front of my bathroom mirror at the same time, so while Ana was pissing in the bathtub again… Michael was downstairs, brushing his teeth.

The mirror-cabinet was basically mine alone. It had two sliding ‘doors’, but you could only open one at a time. Three shelves in total, though they were all pretty narrow. On the left were tweezers, nail clippers, retainer cases and that spare electric toothbrush. Instead of being thin though, that one was the normal, cheap, two-battery bulky motherfucker. Of course, both of them were only about eight dollars each. It’s just that I was amazed at how much better the single battery one operated compared to the normal kind. Maybe because the thin one was a name brand?

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