BCJ, Chapter 53: ‘Married’

“Goddamn it!” As I was freaking out upstairs, worried about existential threats, a gout of boiling water splashed on Michael’s left arm when he dumped the noodles into the water. Yeah, even with such great pasta-mastery, anyone can make stupid mistakes. Fortunately, there was only a large red mark across my forearm and no ‘real’ damage. It burned for a while, but eventually was just kinda irritating. The red mark didn’t go away though.

Honestly, considering that I was totally naked, I was super lucky that I didn’t splash the water on my dick. If that happened… Well, best not to think about it.

Anyway, the window thing made me decide to put on some clothes. As Ana at least. I don’t really give a shit if people see ‘Michael’ naked, but I also didn’t wanna accidentally scald myself again, so I put on boxers and a t-shirt for safety reasons. Since both my bodies were as fully clothed as they were gonna get, I had the sudden impulse to take some… ‘selfies’.

It’s not that I hate taking pictures and posting them on the internet. I’m a human after all. For whatever reason, we feel the instinctual need to show off our appearance to random strangers. However, I usually had horrible cystic acne. Hence why I rarely took photos or videos of myself.

I also wanted to reassure my friends and family that I was still alive, healthy and definitely not in some kinda hell dimension, being tortured for all eternity or whatever. Now that I was acne-free, for the time being, I used my cellphone to take a high-res picture of my two bodies next to each other.

Ana held the camera and smiled, showing off her obnoxiously perfect straight and pearly-white teeth… While I just smirked with my mouth closed, like usual. Even though my teeth weren’t all fucked up and crooked, they still weren’t as good as right after getting my braces off. Not to mention the fact that they were permanently yellow. Which isn’t really that big of a deal, but I just always have an inferiority complex about my damn teeth.

Though it’s really weird when you think about it. Since Ana’s mouth was also mine. Hmmm, it’s funny how you never really get over things like that. Old phobias and insecurities you try to forget about or put behind you, usually pop up anyway.

Of course, as soon as I posted the first picture of Ana and I together, I also casually switched the relationship status to Married. Which on Facenovel, typically makes a huge announcement to all your friends. Well, so many of my friends are already married with fucking children, or posting about having another baby, getting engaged et cetera… I might have been a little jealous.

Even if I gotta be my own beautiful wife, I can at least show off a bit, right? First I updated my profile with the best of the pictures I took, then I posted like twenty different pics of the two of us, all over our gigantic house. I even took one in the exercise room, with a caption: “Everyone always made fun of me for living in a basement, but now I kinda miss it… Okay, that’s a lie. This gym is pretty awesome though.”

Unlike when I usually just spam memes, and maybe one or two people give a ‘like’, the Marriage announcement was a shitstorm. Between the dozens of ‘Congratulations!’, there were also five to ten massive comment threads. Half of them were wondering whether I just used a sex-change app and edited in a feminine version of myself.

On the other hand, even though Ana looked like she could easily be my sister, the people who actually new me, knew that I definitely didn’t have any fucking sisters. My father didn’t use Facenovel, but my mother was on there arguing random people who said shit like that. Of course, the ‘reality’ was so much worse than just regular incest, if you really think about it. 

But rather than fucking my soulless daughter-clone that’s only a few years old, I like to think that it’s more along the lines of Selfcest. I mean, if Ana is literally my avatar, and closer to me genetically than my own twin-sister would be, then I don’t see the problem really. Oh well, it was still funny to watch people arguing about stupid shit in the comment sections of my pictures.

Eventually though, I got bored and put my phone away. Michael continued cooking, while Ana started writing the latest ‘report’? Whatever you would call this… A journal of sorts, I guess.

The more I write this shit, the more I realize how fucking boring I am as a person. Seriously, if I wasn’t getting paid, would I even bother jotting all this down? I might brag a few times in a Facenovel post or something, but ultimately… What have I done so far?

Wouldn’t most people either have some kinda psychological battle or mental breakdown? It’d probably be a thriller or something. And how many idiots would take this gift and just casually go on a one-way trip to some mysterious prison-island for misfits and possibly biological weapons testing? Who would trust the sketchy secret organization that appeared outta nowhere and started giving them creepy orders while watching their every movement?

What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, probably a lot. But the point is that, shouldn’t I do something more interesting at least? If I just keep binge reading stories, watching TV shows, playing video games, fucking myself in every way possible and hiding in this house… How is that any different from how I lived before? I mean, except that I’m making a fuckload of money to do almost nothing, and this house is basically a mansion, and I really really really~ like having sex.

Shouldn’t there be more though? Where’s the romance? The drama? The, no, fuck tragedy in the ass! I’d like some more action at least? Some kinda goal, aside from: “Do 50 pushups for some money.”

For that matter, what can I use money for at the moment? I can order a shitton of food, beverages and other stuff, even some fresh fruits and vegetables that are imported, for a somewhat reasonable cost. They’re expensive, much more expensive than anywhere in the US, but ultimately, I’m making thousands of dollars a day to perform minor tasks. I can afford it easily.

And the stuff I would usually spend my money on, like video games… Basically just video games. I don’t even have to wait till they go on sale! I can just directly buy anything I want. The only reason I haven’t, is because I still haven’t played most of the games I already have. Maybe if I was a millionaire I would just directly buy everything, but I’m not quite that rich yet.

Oh, now that I think about it though? Maybe I could order some consoles? There are lots of games I just never got to play, because they were only for specific consoles, or those newer handheld devices. I just never had enough money to burn to spend hundreds of dollars to play a game or two on a tiny screen that I could barely see.

Aside from that, I don’t have a TV. I have the monitor I use for the desktop, but fucking A, I should’ve bought this kinda shit before packing up and leaving Baltimore! The prices of small items aren’t high at all, but for a nice television or monitor it’s gonna be a couple hundred, then the shipping fees are extravagant as well.

Fuck it, I don’t need no fancy consoles or TVs! That won’t make my life any more interesting at all! In fact, wouldn’t it be the opposite? More of the same shit, basically.

More than anything else, it seems like Infinity wants me to reproduce but… Even if I got two bodies, I definitely don’t wanna raise a child on my own. I don’t have that kinda willpower yet. Well, that, and I have a feeling that my kid might just turn out to be another clone under my control. It’s rough enough getting used to two bodies at once. Three would be ridiculous.

Aside from that, there’s also a good chance that Infinity might just take my kid from me the moment they’re born and say: [Good job. He is 10,000 dollars. We will take care of the infant.]

Then I’ll never see them again or some such bullshit. They can read this, right? Yet they aren’t even bothering to refute or correct me! Well, they probably don’t give a damn either way.

The whole time I was eating my two plates of pasta, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What do I want to do? My inspiration as an author was kinda-sorta dead for the time being. After all, I’m technically writing this, so doing other stuff would be more work than enjoyment. And I definitely didn’t make enough money to ‘work’. Especially now that I had a much more extravagant and easy source of income.

My goal now… Instead of writing tons of books, or finishing my countless stories… Okay first of all, I wanna be in shape. I don’t have to be a body-builder, but at the very least, I want both my bodies to be strong and healthy. But there’s more to it than just working out, since as I’ve experienced dozens of times throughout my life, there comes a time when you lose dexterity, agility and flexibility. This loss is small at first, but gets worse the bulkier you become.

It might be impossible for my original body, but Ana is totally different. Not only was her endurance freakishly high… She was also super hardcore flexible, and that was just her natural state. What I wanted to do was yoga and other similar exercises. I could also walk, jog and run on the treadmills.

My first goal will be training myself, both of myselves, to explore the island. Forget about survival skills or marksmanship. At my ‘current’ state, I couldn’t even trek through the forest without getting injured or exhausted. For that matter, even though I had some clothes, I didn’t really have that much. And you don’t really want to walk around naked in the jungle, from what I’ve read online at least.

Who knows what kinda super monster bugs and critters are out there scurrying in the brush? The ticks along are all probably lethal. Not to mention snakes, spiders… With a casual glance out the windows that night, I could make out a few big-ass birds flying in the sky. Maybe they were actually bats?

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