Chapter 74: The OP-ness of Player-Housing

When Michael finished defecating, the Light immediately disintegrated all of the waste and even acted as pseudo toilet-paper. As the warm sensation entered into his body, he asked “If you’re gonna give me a radioactive enema anyway, what’s the point in shitting?” Obviously, the magical device wasn’t programmed to retort his question, or even understand that he was speaking.

After standing up and looking around, he said “Ah, what the hell, I’m too fucking curious.” before spending a level-twelve, Human Inquisitor’s mana-core on a shower: along with seven gold. In the corner of the room, next to the porcelain throne, was a square, golden tile.

There was nothing else, just that single square meter of metal. Michael was completely naked as he casually stepped into that warm and comfortable white-light, radiating from the floor.

A few seconds passed and when he stepped out of the ‘shower,’ his pale skin had turned a light-brown. He used his wisp-form instead of a mirror, and yelled “What the actual fuck?!”

He was certainly cleaner, because all the bacteria or other micro-organisms on his body, were doused in copious amounts of solar radiation. Since he had just been bathing in the river with soap, he wasn’t exactly filthy in the first place, so the results of his test were inconclusive.

Strangely, his unnatural tan didn’t last for very long and faded within a few minutes. Thus, he breathed a sigh of relief, guessing “Well, hopefully this means that I won’t get skin-cancer…”

As he Equipped his armor, the tiger-striped kilt, boots and belt simply appeared out of the tattoos, but the Arcane Breastplate seemed to slowly materialize out of thin air. It looked similar to a dimly glowing tank-top, so it was hard to even tell that it had any protective value.

The material was similar to cloth in its neutral state, but when he used a bit of mana, it would harden and thicken. Of course, he couldn’t tell how much damage it could absorb, until after he was stabbed, impaled, or cut by an enemy.

Michael walked around his living-room for a few seconds, while looking at the potential furniture and appliances that he could create. He almost ignored the fireplace completely, because he obviously didn’t need to heat a house that was in the middle of the rain-forest.

However, he saw something strange in the list of possible installations. By using a Water mana-core, it would essentially be a constantly boiling pot of water, while Earth would make it a bowl of molten lava.

Wind, Fire and even Nature, could each be used to create heat as well; yet, Chaos, Darkness and Arcane were different. Michael quickly took out a pitch-black bead from his inventory, and used it, plus ten gold, to buy a ‘Demonic Fireplace.’

The entire chimney became warped and changed from grey bricks, to what looked like living obsidian flesh. In the opening, where firewood would usually be placed, there was a pool of crimson liquid.

When he gazed into the blood, he noticed a giant, beating, humanoid heart, which was constantly throbbing. Fortunately, it didn’t actually make any noise, but the most important factor, was that the entire structure constantly absorbed heat.

Michael carelessly touched the surface of the skin and muscle chimney, and screamed “Fucking shit-cunt! Ow!” The veins on his right hand had turned pitch-black and it felt like he had placed his palm onto a block of dry-ice.

His blood had frozen momentarily, but as soon as he pulled away, the damage was instantly recovered. It was then that he finally realized something extremely important: “Wait a second, isn’t my regeneration absurdly high right now?”

Inside of a Player-Home, even if a ‘resident’ had their head crushed into paste, it would immediately be healed. Death was impossible within the premises, and enemies couldn’t enter; even aging would reverse until the person was reset to the ‘Adult’ stage… although the process was relatively slow.

It was designed that way, so that Players could have children, pets, friends or even housekeepers live with them. Since there was a maximum of six Companions, the Goddesses developed that system to allow the Otherworlders to enjoy their immortality a bit more.

Michael muttered “I wonder what the hell a ‘Demonic Bed’ would look like? It’d probably be a giant fucking uterus… Well, I don’t really have any more Chaotic mana-cores.”

With the doors and windows closed, the temperature in the house rapidly dropped until it was relatively cool. After that, he was about to walk upstairs, when he noticed something strange beside the staircase.

When he went closer to the illusory door, he received a notification: “The Player-Home is currently nine-hundred square meters; at rank-G, the maximum space is two-thousand square meters. It is also possible to purchase the land surrounding the house for up to ten acres. Upon owned land, it is impossible for enemies to enter or even attack into the property. During the moving process, everything within the owned lands will be stored.”

He snickered and then said “Isn’t this completely overpowered? Well, whatever, I won’t complain about awesomeness… These prices on the other hand, are fucking ridiculous.” An acre of land only required twenty-five gold, but a sixty square meter room would cost the same.

Of course, that was merely at rank-G, and wasn’t particularly expensive. Once he thought about it for a moment, he realized “Oh yeah, I’ve only been in this world for a little over a week, and I’ve already made more than a thousand gold, so I guess it isn’t too bad.”

Michael first purchased a basement with a large bedroom, which was roughly ninety square meters. Then he added a medium-sized guest-bedroom to the northern and southern sides of the house: each of those were sixty square meters.

A bathroom was created in all three of the house’s large bedrooms, but since Elina and Talia were chatting on the western balcony, they didn’t even notice. The total cost was a hundred gold, so he only had four-hundred left.

For the entire process, he was in wisp-mode, otherwise he didn’t have access to the construction menu. Michael had to fly extremely high into the air, so he could fully comprehend how large an acre really was.

He muttered “So it’s basically the size of a football field… Hmmm~, this whole plateau is only about five acres total. If I wanna include the caves, it’ll have to be at least another couple. Fuck it, I’ll include the waterfall too. Hehehe~, I wonder if I moved, would this whole mountain come with me? Well, this is a pretty good location though, so I don’t really wanna leave it. Since this is basically the center of the whole damn continent, it’s definitely the best place to have as my base. Actually, I might be able to find more of these Player-Homes lying around, though I don’t know if I can own more than one.”

Two-hundred and fifty gold disappeared in an instant, as a translucent barrier suddenly enveloped Michael’s new ‘territory.’ Then he received a message: “There are currently thirteen humanoid NPCs on your property. Please individually set their levels of access.”

He couldn’t help but wonder “Doesn’t this mean that, if I placed my house in a city, couldn’t I evict everyone?” Essentially, he made it so that everyone could alter the land however they wanted.

At the same moment, that monotonous feminine voice announced to each person “You are now a resident of ‘Michael’s Player-Home.’ Hostile actions will be prevented within the barrier.”

Immediately after that, it said “Property name has been changed to ‘Fuck Shit Cunt Bitch Whore Cock, Wait, Stop, No, Why Are You Still… Arcana, Cut It Out. Seriously, How the Hell Is This a Goddamn Name for Anything?! No, Change It… Maybe This Thing Is Broken? Well, Good Job, You Can Stop Now… Please?’”

Then the voice announced “Property name has been changed to ‘Michael’s Waterfall Sanctuary.’” By that point, everyone who had been sleeping, was definitely awake and surprised by the sudden ‘divine’ message.

Elina and Talia quickly entered the house and noticed that the corner of the bedroom had a mysterious new door added. However, what was more alarming was the drastic difference in temperature.

As the two of them stood there in a daze, enjoying the cool sensation, Michael entered the room and said “Oh hey, we have a toilet, a shower, an air-conditioner, and now… Wow, I don’t know how anyone could sleep on something like that, but good-luck.”

On the southern end of the room, a huge king-sized bed had suddenly appeared. It was pure-white, form-fitting, and had a fluffy comforter, plus four pillows. Michael had spent ten gold and a level-fourteen, rank-G mana-core to buy it.

Unfortunately, there was a huge design flaw to that ‘Angelic Bed.’ It was glowing so brightly, that the entire room was being illuminated.

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26 thoughts on “Chapter 74: The OP-ness of Player-Housing

  1. lol, I find this to be funny as hell. The MC is so awesome. Since this is my first comment, let me say that when he said he wanted to fuck a dragon I laughed for a good 5 minutes straight. Best line I’ve heard in years. Keep up the great work:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That heart fireplace sounds really disconcerting. >_>

    I bet that bed gives a buff on light affinity to the people who use it, even if its only temporary.

    You would need an industrial grade sleeping mask though. Perhaps one made of pure lead? XD

    Liked by 2 people

      • Yeah pure darkness bed sounds lovely. A bed so dark it eats the light that approaches it, so the person sleeping there could use it outside at mid day and still be perfectly blind.

        I sleep during the day at times, and that sounds like cool.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Well, the only problem is that it would probably be really cold… I like it when my bed is warm and fluffy inside, while freezing cold air is blowing on me from the outside lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, it kinda depends though… also, if it was just covered in black fur, it would necessarily be an elemental bed of pure darkness lol, it would just be a bed with black furs on it 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      • Have the frame of the bed made from the carapace of some light absorbing insect. Have the mattress made from teh feathers of a midnight phoenix or something, and the covers from a midnight ghost panther.

        The light gets absorbed by the frame, while the covers and mattress are soft, fluffy but still conform to theme. /shrug

        Liked by 2 people

      • That does sound interesting, and extremely expensive… but the elemental furniture in the house is usually a bit more… idk? Like, if someone actually physically made it, then that would be cool, but when it comes to him just buying things with mana-cores and gold, the shit is usually a bit simpler? Or maybe just more extreme lol. The Chaos stuff is my favorite, but there’s gonna be a lot of chapters before he continues furnishing his house… I think? It’s kinda hard to remember rofl.

        Like

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