TDoE V1 Chapter 18: The Secret Ritual

Having superhuman strength and using magic is fun and all but seriously, I killed a giant axe-wielding maniac with a handful of dirt. If I had a BB or pellet gun, I wouldn’t have even had to struggle to survive in the first place. Well, it’s good to be prepared for everything. As we continued on our way down the river, I borrowed a pencil and leather-bound journal from Di, then started scribbling down all sorts of plans.

Sure, there might be people who can stop ‘normal’ bullets with their minds or maybe their skin is too tough to pierce. I knew that there were most likely a bunch of different techniques that made early-stage firearms impotent and useless. Hell, the countries, Sects and Clans might have created some sort of secret agreements to prevent certain technologies from developing or being distributed to the general populus.

I mean, imagine what would happen if it was possible to look up all sorts of Cultivation Methods or Skills or special Techniques on the internet. It would make even the most expensive knowledge totally worthless. There was definitely some way to strictly regulate everything, so I asked the old man.

“Yeah, ya gotta be real careful when yer dealin with those pricks! Usually, ya gotta swear an oath ta the fuckin Heavens that ya won’t spread a Sect, Clan, country or family’s shit to people outside their respective groups. Most times, ya ain’t allowed ta take on disciples without permission and even teaching stuff ta yer own children can cause loads uh problems… If a Rogue Cultivator finds some treasure or whatever, they’ll just murder em without a second thought. The world of cultivation is filled with evil bastards and bitches!”

Basically, I could make guns or all sorts of technological and magical nonsense, but there was a hundred-percent chance that I wouldn’t be able to use them openly. Although, as long as people didn’t quite understand how things worked, I could definitely get away with a lot of stuff. For example, if I built a rifle that looked like a staff, it would just seem like I was shooting out Qi blasts or some such bullshit.


We rode down the river pretty slowly, though it was still slightly faster than walking. Of course, it was a lot more relaxing to ride on the boat than having to travel on foot. When it became dark, the old man made a weird hand gesture and the canoe turned towards the shore.

Di grumbled “We’re gonna camp out on the beach for the night… Brat, do what ya gotta do, but try not ta kill anyone if ya don’t need ta. This time, if ya get in trouble, just call me! I’m yer Master, remember? Even if yer miles away, I’d still be able ta sense when yer in danger! Now here, take this with ya…”

He handed me a roll of toilet paper and a six-inch long steel steak knife. Then he smacked me on the left shoulder and shouted “Now get the hell away from me ya little pervert! I don’t wanna watch ya jerk off, so go do that shit somewhere very fucking far away!”

I snickered, turned towards the woods and said “Thanks, I’ll try not to kill anyone… Well, aside from a hundred million sperm? Ow~!” He smacked the back of my head as I was walking away, but didn’t yell at me.

The foliage was pretty intense and there were plenty of tropical plants scattered about. Mosquitoes swarmed around me, but fortunately, they weren’t the glowing kind. When I was at least a few minutes away from the river, I found a spot that was relatively well-hidden by bushes and trees on all sides. My first stop was to take a shit. Once that was taken care of, I continued moving through the forest, searching for a decent place to perform my daily ritual.

“Levi… I’m sorry for being so useless. If only I was stronger, I would have been able to protect you from those bad men! I’m just, too weak… Will, will I be able to fight like you one day? You’re always working so hard, trying to get stronger all the time… but I, I can only float around and suck up Qi.” Xiaotong appeared in front of my face and nearly gave me a heartattack.

It took a few seconds before I sighed and told her “You don’t need to worry about that kinda stuff for now… What are the chances of us running into more psychotic tribal douchebags anyway? Once I become an Apprentice, you’ll be able to come out and do stuff again. Even if all you do is zap the bastards a bit, it’d still probably be pretty helpful. Your Innate Talent is only bright-red, but… Well, my secret technique might be able to change that, hehehe~.”

“Really?! Wow! Levi, I never realized your special ritual was so amazing! Are you sure it’s okay to let me learn it though? I’ve only been your Spirit Companion for a few months now… Wouldn’t it be easier to just find someone stronger?” She sounded super-excited at first, but quickly became depressed.

I smiled at her and asked “Honestly, I’ve never ‘cultivated’ with someone else before… Also, I don’t know for certain whether or not it’s even possible to do it with you in your current form. I mean, I’ll definitely try… Still, even if it doesn’t work, I’ll get Di to teach me how to um, get you the proper ‘parts’. The real question is, do you really want to ‘train’ with me? The first time should only be with somebody that you really like…”

Xiaotong giggled, whispering “Levi, if I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have become your Spirit Companion…”

It took a few minutes, but I managed to find a decent spot. The dirt was relatively soft, so it didn’t hurt my knees and I was surrounded by thick foliage. I couldn’t hear or see any people in the distance, so I figured it was safe enough to begin my ritual.

The translucent crimson skull was following along with my hand and I could hear a cute voice moaning in my mind. Then I noticed that I couldn’t feel my entire right arm anymore. There were arcs of red lightning jumping off of my skin and it felt like my penis was being electrocuted very mildly. Xiaotong screamed “Ah, I’m sorry! Are you okay?! I, I-I just got so excited that I accidentally-”

“Yeah, don’t worry… Can you do that again though? It should help me speed things up a bit, heh-heh~…” I didn’t realize it at the time, since I was way too horny, but my Qi was being condensed at an extremely accelerated rate. The little Spirit in my Dantian was also receiving a huge boost to her cultivation.

After finishing, I wiped myself off with a piece of toilet paper and picked up the steak knife. We didn’t run into any wolves or lunatics on the way back to camp. Di was cooking a pot of stew when I arrived, though there was no meat or fish, just potatoes and other vegetables.

I noticed the old man giving me a weird stare every now and then. He smiled wryly and said “I don’t think I taught ya bout Spirits yet… Hmmm, there’s different kinds uh Spirits out there. My Leo’s uh Physical type… He’s got uh corporeal form and can act independently in combat. That evil Terror Pixie cunt is uh Caster. Her body’s made uh Qi and ain’t very powerful, but she can use Illusion magic to do all sorts uh horrible shit! Then there’s Xiaotong and her ilk… They’re Enhancement Spirits. They ain’t got no physical form and they can’t cast spells or fight on their own. She won’t be able ta do much right now… In the future though, once ya manage ta become an Apprentice, she’ll give ya a pretty big boost in strength. That creepy flyin dick is also an Enhancement type, it just prefers improving and controlling inanimate objects.”


8 thoughts on “TDoE V1 Chapter 18: The Secret Ritual

  1. Pingback: TDoE Chapter 17: Cultivation Methods | Mike777ac

  2. I am really bad at time… Time does not agree with me lol. Ugh, anyway, so I wanted to post 3 chapters, but I ended up only posting 2, cause I’m too tired to do a third one. FML, I have jury duty the 11th of July… I can feel that horrible day slowly creeping up behind me, like the grim raper, about to fuck me in the asshole with a rusty spoon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Speaking as someone who has done jury duty four separate times already, both petit and grand service and knowing what little you tell us about yourself sounds like volatile mixture just waiting to explode. I wish you all the luck and patience in the world because you’re going to need it you poor, poor bastard.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve had to go in twice so far, but the first time they didn’t pick me. The second time though(2 years ago), I got stuck on a motherfucking civil case for like 2 goddamn weeks! The problem with the civil cases is that they don’t really give a fuck who they pick for the jury, it makes pretty much no difference to them, so it’s hard to get out of it. At least with a serious criminal case, you can be like “I’m a racist” or “I hate (insert the person’s religion here)” and they pretty much can’t pick you roflmao.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s