My name is Michael Cinagra, and I destroyed the world. Well, ‘a’ world… No, maybe it was more like an entire universe? Okay, technically, I wasn’t the one who ate the fucking universe like a snack, alright? That was Arcana, the Eternal Deity of ‘Magic’ I guess?
All I know, is she sent me there, pretty much against my will. By just being alive on that version of Earth, I turned it into a hellhole of the highest caliber. Though I guess some might argue that Earth was already pretty bad, even before my piss, blood and semen managed to turn Baltimore into a zombie paradise. Multiple kinds of zombies.
And while I was inadvertently destroying the whole East Coast of the US, Kana was over there playing board and card games… Which revolved around destroying most of the Middle East, Africa, Asia and Europe. For kicks and giggles I guess?
There was a point to it all though. By killing people with me there, I was able to suck up souls and send them to Arcana’s ‘body’. Otherwise, they could escape off into who the fuck knows where? But I managed to keep a few of the ones I actually cared about, stowed away in my own Soul Realm for safekeeping.
For example, my parents. Michael Cinagra Senior, my father and my mother, Debbie Cinagra. The two of them meant more to me than pretty much anything else in that whole world. I mean, my brother was obviously important too, it’s just that… I never really ‘saw’ him there? Hell, maybe he survived somehow? Either that or Kana grabbed him without my knowledge for some sneaky scheme she’ll use later on.
So yeah, the first thing I did after waking up in that same empty room that we fused together in, was have an orgy. But after that, I went over to my fancy Soul Room. Where I keep copious amounts of souls… And found that it was practically empty. I wasn’t too worried about that though, since I needed to make tons of space anyway.
After an hour, I finally vomited out the last few souls I had stashed away inside my Soul Realm. It was a real mess in there for awhile, but fortunately, my parents had really strong souls. They ‘woke up’ and quickly found me, saying things like “Michael, we were so worried about you!” and “Where are we? What the hell is this place?! Wait, is this Hell?!”
It was kinda funny, but it didn’t take me long to explain: “Calm down. You just died. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll make new bodies for you two in a few minutes… Ugh, fucking shitballs, I don’t wanna see my goddamn parents naked!”
Fortunately, Rachael doesn’t seem to care about her parents being naked most of the time, or she would be really traumatized by now. Oh, and after I put some simple clothes on my parents, I gave them some gold coins to go buy a house in Luxiana. The village, not the person.
Why wouldn’t I just let them live in the same house as me? Do you seriously think they would wanna stay in ‘my’ house?! Among other things, I was legitimately afraid that Sarah might do something to them while I wasn’t paying attention.
Jane and her husband Joey, were the next two I resurrected. Whether it was those two or my parents, I brought them back as young as possible, while still being considered adults. Which is technically different for everyone, since everybody matures at a different pace. I could only make them humans, since that was the ‘Race’ they were in their last life. Still, knowing how Arcana works, I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up as elves eventually. Or gnomes…
Anyway, everything is really starting to look good. Nekoshire is under our control and while it’s kind of complicated to take care of multiple territories, most things are automated. By automated, I mean that there are other people to do that shit. I just sit back, relax and receive the spoils of my inaction!
Life is awesome!