Mom actually spanked me… I’m twenty-three years old!

When I told them that I was leaving, Dad started crying and Mom punched me in the mouth. I might not have mentioned this before, but my mother’s side of the family are pretty ‘big-boned’. Not only is Mom six-four, her arms are huge… Even though she’s almost sixty, she’s still a professional MMA instructor and a bodybuilder.

I on the other hand, am only five-eight, two-hundred and twenty pounds of weak, pathetic blubber… After she hit me, I felt like my brain was short-circuited. Although I’ve been bullied before, nobody had ever attacked me physically. I felt a surge of adrenaline and even tried to punch her back, but she just kneed me in the gut really hard.

If it wasn’t for my tiny father jumping in and stopping her, she probably would have kept pummeling me once I was on the ground. I’m not angry at her; how could I be? When she was using a belt to spank my butt for thirty minutes, she was crying the entire time.

Ow~, my face still hurts really bad. I don’t think anything is broken, but the whole left side of my cheek and mouth are swollen. Hehe~, I probably look even more like a pig than I usually do…

Anyway, I feel better now. I still see that same scene every time I close my eyes, but I don’t want to die. I deserve this pain, this agony, this suffering… It’s supposed to hurt. I’m afraid that one day, I might not hate myself anymore. I’m terrified that I might be able to rationalize away my guilt eventually.

Even now, I’m still playing that stupid farm game. You probably don’t know this, but “Inari’s Garden” was actually created by my brother. He sold it to Kawaii Co. last year for a few million dollars, which part of the reason we could afford to finally move out of the city. We should have never come back to Baltimore for that stupid family reunion!

Phew~, I need to stop thinking about it. Mom and Dad were the reason why he decided to buy this place. Azra didn’t even know anything about ‘real’ farming, but it was something that our parents always wanted to do.

In “Inari’s Garden” you have to collect weird exotic and nonexistent animals, grow crops that are totally made up and sometimes you need to go on adventures in order to find new stuff. It’s fun and addicting, just not an accurate representation of agriculture… Ugh, we used to bicker all the time over so many pointless things.

I miss my brother…

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