HCL Epilogue 2: Save the Worst for Last

Of course, nothing lasts forever and information can never truly be deleted. Forgotten memories will eventually resurface, given enough time. However, each of the seven fragments of ‘Minari’ were able to remember different events. It was rare for their experiences to intersect.

Shortly after the ‘Troll Paradox’, there was an unexpected visitor to Michael’s territory. When Elina received the message from her sister, she left her bedroom with two babies in her arms. One was the tiny bronze lamia, Rachael, and the other was ‘Iris’… The cute white kitten that recently hatched from an egg that she laid.

“So Michael, during those five-hundred years where you had free-reign to decide the fate of all existence… What would you say was the worst thing that you did?”As the angelic cat-girl came into the kitchen, Lilly was sitting at the table across from Michael, Jasmine and Sarah. Talia was over by the counter, chopping up vegetables and raw meat. Although she was surprised to see her sister again so suddenly, Elina didn’t want to interrupt the interview. She was also rather embarrassed from her revealing attire, thus, she avoided being recorded.

Michael smiled at Elina, then turned by back to the floating green ethereal skull. He snickered and answered “Well, there was this one time when JJ put pineapple on pizza.”

The vampiric cat-girl giggled, then asked “Are you afraid to tell us? You’ve already said that you created Hell and unleashed all sorts of apocalyptic events upon countless worlds… I can’t even imagine what horrifying nightmares you created that even you aren’t willing to speak about.”

He snickered and shook his head, grumbling “No, seriously, JJ put pineapple on pizza. Then she made us eat it.”

Lilly frowned, adjusted her huge cleavage and cautiously inquired “Is there some secret meaning to that statement?”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza.” Michael let out a long sigh, as he glared at the little cat-girl who was picking her nose with her right thumb.

“Nyah? Wha-what do you want?! You can’t have my boogies! They’re mine!” Jasmine hissed and then continued picking her nose, while facing away from him.

“Mister Cinagra…” The undead Enchantress cleared her throat and carefully continued “There are many people who would disagree with you about that. In fact, I for one, love eating pineapple on pizza. If you’re trying to be funny, the joke is apparently beyond my comprehension.”

Michael snickered, explaining “Jasmine invented the concept of putting pineapple on pizza. She wrote it into existence. She literally fucking created the entire stupid-ass controversy over pineapple on pizza! She made all those goddamn memes! For both sides of the conflict! Then she created people like you, for the sole purpose of liking pineapple pizza and reposting her memes!”

“That’s absurd! Are you trying to tell me that my entire existence was merely because of Jasmine Jade’s whim?!” It wasn’t just Lilly who was getting angry, but even Elina had her face slightly reddened in shame.

“Not just you. There are probably billions of people who were created only to justify her weird eating habits.” The Nephilim took a sip of iced tea, through a squirming pink tentacle-straw. Then he casually remarked “Just be thankful that you weren’t born with the desire to put horseradish mustard on chocolate iced-cream.”

“Even if that’s the case…” Lilly frowned, “It still doesn’t seem nearly as bad as many of your other misadventures.”

Michael chuckled, then turned towards Sarah and complained “There was this one time when I got into an argument with this crazy cunt about the whole ‘Flat Earth Theory’. She was so stubborn that she decided to come up with a way for it to be possible.”

The tiny obsidian-skinned ‘Death Elf’ grumbled “You’re the one who fuckin cared about that bullshit!”

“Anyway, the point is that we ended up writing a story about this group of Flat-Earther supervillains who tried to make the planet spin so quickly on its axis… That it would actually become flat. Ya know, like a pizza?” He looked back at the High Elf, who was spinning some dough with her left hand.

Talia glared at the angry little goblin-girl, then coldly stated “Legend of the Meme Thief. By far the stupidest and most pointless novel we wrote. Take a wild guess as to the main contributor of that particular story… El estúpido y minúsculo coño malvado.”

Michael snickered, before complaining “I thought it was actually pretty funny. Sarah is a much better writer than you’d think. I mean, the whole story was about a girl who literally did nothing but share memes on Facenovel all day, every day… But it’s relatable, ya know? At least until the part where she started getting trolled and decided to go on a murderous rampage.”

Lilly retorted “But isn’t that something that you’ve actually done in reality before?”

“Did you forget the whole thing about writing shit into existence? Also, you can’t really use ‘me’ as a standard for normie losers who haven’t even destroyed a planet or two.” He sneered, proudly exclaiming “For fuck’s sake, I’m the antagonist in at least half of the stories we wrote!”

“And yet people still manage to relate with you more profoundly than any other character in your stories…” The vampiric nekomimi Enchantress sighed, muttering “You’re obviously insane and a truly terrible person. But you have a certain charm and charisma-”

The Nephilim interjected “That’s literally the effect of Charisma. Your Willpower is weak as fuck, so it isn’t very surprising that you’d feel a weird sense of attachment to me.”

She growled “I meant the character Michael Cinagra, not you personally. I honestly believe that you deserve to go rot in one of the many hells that you created, but unfortunately, you managed to figure a way out of receiving any sort of Karmic punishment for your crimes.”

“Hey, I never claimed to be the good guy, hehehe~…” Michael smirked, grumbling “I’m just the main character. It’s basically impossible for me to die… No, I retract that statement. It’s impossible for me to stay dead. Without me, the story would literally end and there’s still way too much left for me to do before then. You gotta remember, I’m not even level forty yet! All my Companions also have a long way to go before they’re at the soft-cap. Ugh, there’s just way too much to do. Even in five-hundred years of hardcore writing, I still have no clue what’s going to happen most of the time! There are just way too many gaps and holes where I had to timeskip, simply because I couldn’t physically write an ‘eternity’ in detail.”

“There’s something else I wanted to ask…” Lilly let out a short sigh, “Though I don’t expect you to actually have an answer to this question.”

The Nephilim complained “I mean, there are some things that I just can’t remember or don’t know. Also, there’s even more that I just can’t fucking tell you in an interview.”

After a few seconds of silence, she nervously asked “How do you know that all of this is actually real? Isn’t it possible that you’re still undergoing your so-called ‘tribulation’? Or this might just be an elaborate trick designed by one of your many enemies in order to reveal your secrets or just kill you.”

Michael grinned and nodded, explaining “Yeah, I won’t deny that it’s entirely possible that I might just be in a coma after falling in the bathtub or having a stroke. It’s also highly probable that none of this is real and I’m totally insane, rotting in some asylum back on Earth. I could also be in Hell right now, and this might just be the prelude to some truly horrible shit… On the other hand, this could totally be real.”

The reporter let out a long sigh and then asked one final question: “Is there anything you want to tell our viewers before I go? Given the current situation, I figure that you probably have some sort of message for all your ‘victims’.”

“Death is a lie, a trick, an illusion, a fantasy, and I’ve been playing this game for far too long…” Michael stood up and started cackling madly. Even though she had no idea what was going on, Jasmine jumped up onto the table and started laughing with her hands on her hips, while Inari was howling randomly.

Then he suddenly stopped and everyone became silent for a moment, before he shouted “Just kidding, this is only the beginning! I’ve still got a fuckton of work to do! Get ready for Noobaggedon motherfuckers! Hahahahahaha~!”

Elina blushed in embarrassment and left the room. Sarah muttered “Fucking moron.”

Then teleported directly into the basement. Inari started making irritating parrot noises, while Jasmine performed her usual “Nyahahaha~!” laughter…

Eventually, Lilly cut the feed and Talia yelled “Silence! Call Alice here immediately! Dinner will be prepared within the next ten minutes! She had better not be cooking ‘Dragonmeth’ again!”

After that, she began grumbling in Spanish “¡Ingratos bastardos! ¡Cada día cocino para estos pequeños monstruos malvados! Todos los días me dan por sentado! No estoy cocinando solo para mí, ¿sabes? ¡Estoy haciendo esto por ti! Michael, si no te quería tanto, te juro que te cortaría la polla y te la daría en un guiso! No, probablemente te gustaría que … ¡Me doy por vencido!”

As Michael was watching Talia bake, he suddenly asked “Wait, what are you making?”

She sneered, growling “High Elven Disc Pasta… With fruit toppings.”

“Oh Goddamn it! That’s fucking pineapple pizza!”

 

***

Sorry for taking so long to finish this second Epilogue… I basically wrote like 3 books in between when I was about to finish editing/writing it and now rofl. Maybe more actually. Aside from that, I’m pretty sure I’ll be working on “Immortal Soul” again soon. I’ve been putting that off for so long simply because I kept getting inspired to write ‘new’ things, but regardless… I feel like everything is cyclical lol.

I’m currently working on Volume 3 of “Observing the End”, which might literally be the last volume in that particular story… Ironically, I’ve only posted like 2 chapters of it, so you probably have almost no idea what it’s even about. Aside from that, Jury Duty messed up my writing schedule a lot. I only had to go in today, but I’ve literally been stressing out about it for weeks now lmao.

In other news, I really should go back and at least finish the last chapter of volume 3 of “Tower Defense Deities”. Or for that matter, edit some more chapters and post them rofl. It’s just… I always prioritize ‘writing’ over editing/posting. Although I know that it’s kinda pointless to write without showing it to anyone, for donors, they can access all my stories in the google drive file. On the other hand, if I don’t have enough content saved up, then posting is kinda pointless anyway. People get bored if you don’t post every day or several times a day and that’ just isn’t realistic for me anymore lol.

I do other things now. Not particularly healthy things, but at the very least, I don’t have panic attacks or get so burnt out that I can’t see anymore :P. Here’s a cute song, which you might end up loving or hating…

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12 thoughts on “HCL Epilogue 2: Save the Worst for Last

  1. Right.
    Holy fuck this is fun to read. It is fucked beyond belief and is a very big part of why the devices I have read this on are going to be thrown into the ocean when I am done with them though. Michael has reached the perfect balance of humor and just being a general cunt and I love it. One downside is that I will never for as long as I live tell people about this story. I’d prefer they keep their current picture of me for a while until they figure out how fucked up I am. Cheers for writing this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: HCL Epilogue 1: The Troll Paradox Continues | Mike777ac

  3. Dude! Just wanted to ask you how do you keep your motivation for writing?
    Cuz i haven’t posted any chapters on royal road for more than 5 months for my own fictions…And i have more than 10 notebooks with ideas and half finished chapters for them.
    Also, if i remember correctly you have posted ‘Hardcore OP-ness’ song text. But i can’t find it anywhere! I was planning on re-reading HCOP (again) and posting the song in the comments one word for a chapter, because…Why not? LOL

    Like

  4. Thanks.
    Finally over now I can finally ask what are you on and what can I get some cuz you have to be high to write this kind of story or insane if so you need to get on some anti psychotic though I doubt do much good.
    Can’t wait for more keep up to go to work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I do base a lot of stuff in my stories on dreams or I come up with ideas when I’m half-asleep lol. That’s the trick :P. Also, I’ve never taken any kind of narcotics or even smoked cigarettes. I can drink maybe 1 ounce of wine before feeling like I’m gonna die… Probably allergic to alcohol to a certain extent?

      Aside from that, watch enough Hentai and you’ll realize that no matter what you try to come up with, it’ll always be normal compared to ‘Bizarre’ or ‘Guro’ tags lol.

      Liked by 2 people

      • So fuckin true, anyway, mike, thanks for the ride man, i wish i could support you some way, but im too much fucked up in life, everything you write and post is a little funny/happy moment on my everyday, thanks as always mate

        Liked by 1 person

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