Today was the worst day of my life… It feels like my heart is going to explode. I can’t stop seeing his face, I just, I can’t do this anymore. This is going to be the last time I ever write in this stupid diary!
Ugh, I keep seeing flashes, hearing the sound of his bones getting crushed underneath that truck… Why?! Why didn’t I just pay attention?! If I wasn’t so addicted to that dumb farming app game! Grah~!
My big brother Azra and I had our differences, sure… He was a little weird in a lot of ways, but I still loved him! I wish he would have just let me die instead! How am I supposed to live with myself now?!
Sigh~, when I was fourteen, no, from the time I became a teenager until I graduated high school, I was always depressed and stressed out. I can’t even remember how many times I took it out on Azra… Screaming that I hated him, throwing things, hitting him… I even, I even tried to kill myself when I was sixteen.
I was on a lot of meds and they were messing with my emotions as it was, but then I was also getting bullied. Maybe if Azra would have found me in the bathroom a few minutes later, he wouldn’t have died because of me…
I’ve always hated my name: Destiny King. Mom told me that it was because I was ‘special’. Dad said that they were going to go with Fate or Fortuna, but Destiny sounded cooler. But my brother, his explanation wasn’t quite so censored.
“You were adopted. Your biological mother was actually our mother’s younger sister. She blew her brains out during her twenty-fourth week of pregnancy. You were really lucky… Your twin brother wasn’t able to survive for more than a few days, but you had a surprisingly strong life force. I guess you could say that it was your ‘Destiny’, to be my little sister, right?”
It’s not fair… Azra actually had friends, he was about to graduate from college, he was handsome, always exercised and a stayed in shape… What have I done with my life so far? A twenty-three year old virgin loser. I’m just a big fat pig. My blubber probably would have kept me from dying even if the truck had hit me!
I can’t stay here anymore. The way Mom and Dad look at me now… Maybe if they blamed me, I wouldn’t feel so bad. But even after I got my brother killed, they didn’t even get mad! No, they did get angry, but it wasn’t towards me. I’m leaving tonight… I don’t know where, but I just need to go.