Chapter 32: Does a Cat-Girl Defecate in the Jungle?

Before Sarah even had the chance to teleport, Michael pitched the one-pound ‘Arcane Orb’ with his left hand, as hard as he could. He didn’t bother using any telekinesis, since he wanted to see how much damage the little ‘rubber-ball’ would do on its own.

His aim was surprisingly accurate, considering that he was mostly right-handed. The glowing sphere smacked into the tiger’s snout, bouncing high into the air, before changing its trajectory and returning to his palm.

A big ‘-40’ appeared above its head, but there was no physical reaction. It wasn’t a critical hit, but still much more powerful than throwing a rock, yet the beast didn’t even seem to notice the attack.

After that, he threw the ball once again, smacking into the tiger’s left foreleg, and bouncing off. The blow did the same exact amount of damage, and the creature’s health had reached zero, but there were no physical injuries: It simply died.

Whether from a heart-attack, stroke, or having its central nervous-system obliterated, the animal stopped running towards him and just slid across the ground for a few moments, before slumping down. Michael turned to the still-crying cat-girl and asked “What the fuck was that?”

Elina wiped away her tears, with her robe’s sleeves, and answered “Arcane magic deals damage directly to a person or beast’s life-force. There are some stunning techniques and other things like that, but the reason that people fear it so much, is because you don’t even know you’re dying. Anyway, can we please go find a place to rest now?”

The little Thief complained “No way, I just leveled-up! What the hell am I supposed to do while you assholes are sleeping? I’ll just go kill things on my-” Before she could finish her sentence, Michael instantly stored her into Companion-slot two.

He turned to the tired Priestess and told her “Yeah, I need to get some sleep as well, or this damn arm won’t grow back.” as he walked over to the tiger carcass and shoved it into his bag.

After that, the two of them traveled to the east for two hours before finally returning to that same waterfall. It wasn’t a coincidence, since they had a map and decided that it would be much faster to just return there, than trying to find another place like that.

Along the way, they managed to avoid the relatively low-leveled magical-beasts that would have been willing to attack them, and even took a short break to eat some wild blueberries that they found. However, when they finally arrived, Elina was very fidgety and told the one-armed man “I need you to protect me… while I take care of something.”

Michael sighed and grumbled “Ah yes, the famous cat-girl shitting in the jungle scene… I wonder why they always leave this part out of all the stories?” as he had to stand-guard a few feet away from the groaning Priestess.

She was completely naked, squatting next to a huge tree, several-hundred meters away from the waterfall. Elina complained “Stop looking at me… Ow~, remind me never to eat blueberries again.”

However, Michael just kept staring at her, while coughing and gagging occasionally. He asked “What else am I supposed to do? I fucking told you that we’d probably get diarrhea, but no~, you needed some damn fruit. Sigh, if we actually had toilets and… Oh God, I just remembered that we don’t have toilet-paper. Actually, does that even exist in this world?”

The scowling cat-girl yelled “Of course it does! ‘Normally,’ adventurers would bring plenty of it along with them… but someone left my backpack in that inn!”

He sighed dramatically, then told her “Well~, I might have a solution… It’ll be really gross though. Kinda have to wait till you’re done first, so shit faster.” No matter how long she had spent as an adventurer, even her brother and sister had never been as rude and overbearing as that strange Human.

It was the first day that the two of them spent together, yet Michael acted as if he had known Elina for years. When she was finally finished, he walked over to the squatting Priestess, while holding his breath.

Then he stored the ‘Arcane Orb’ into his last bag-slot, and lowered his only hand towards her right shoulder. She yelled “What are you doing?!” as he channeled mana through her body, and utilized the ‘Telekinesis’ spell in an unusual way.

Targeting only the fecal-matter attached to her skin, he released the skill, and she yelped, while jumping up. Michael coughed and said “Heh, now come-on, let’s get the hell away from here so I can breathe again.”

Elina glared at him, as she immediately put her robe back on, then began briskly walking towards the waterfall in the distance. When they finally arrived, he summoned Inari onto the soft soil, a few meters away from the riverbank.

Since he had filled all of his bag-space, Michael decided to remove all of the small rocks and smooth-stones that he had left. Once the two spots were finally opened up, he didn’t store his boots and kilt, because they were absolutely filthy.

Not just dirt and blood, but moss, sap, and other substances had been smeared all over those three pieces of equipment. There was also a decent amount of damage as well, so he made the easy decision to simply throw it away with the rocks and stones.

The naked cat-girl was already swimming in the slowly running waters, as she yelled “Hurry up and give me some soap!” She was extremely exhausted and wanted to go to sleep as soon as possible.

Michael unhurriedly waded through the river as he approached the floating Priestess, dropping an orange bar onto her chest, and saying “I honestly don’t know how you can shit in-front of other people… Hell, I can’t even go in a public bathroom. By any chance, is exhibitionism one of the Goddess of Light’s holy doctrines?”

After hearing that, Elina asked him “Why are you treating me like this?! It’s like you’re purposefully trying to make me angry! What did I do to you?!”

He snickered and calmly answered “Oh, how was I supposed to be treating you? Heh, we’ve only known each-other for a day… This is just how I am. Not really sure what you expected from an immortal asshole, but I am who I am. I hate lying, I can’t stand being dirty, I normally masturbate at least a few times a day, I swear constantly, and most people say I’m fucking crazy… but in a world like this, I’m probably not quite as strange.”

She retorted “No, you’re probably even stranger in this one.” Then let out a long drawn-out sigh, the cat-girl began using the bar of soap to slowly scrub her body, while staring up at the bright sky, beyond the jungle canopy.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Elina turned her head towards him and bit her lip, before saying “I know, we just met, and to be completely honest, I feel oddly comfortable around you. Hehe~, after all, I never had any friends in the Convent, and even my own siblings used to think I was a weirdo. You’ve probably never heard about this before, since very few people actually believe in such a thing… but you aren’t the first person to come here from another world.”

Michael smirked and asked her “I kinda figured that; I mean, isn’t this planet a little big to be created just for me? Hmmm, how much do you know about the others?” as he used a bar of orange soap to viciously scrub the blood-stains off of his skin.

The Priestess giggled, then told him “It’s not really a secret or anything like that. Long ago, there was supposedly a time when only regular animals roamed this world. In that era, only one person existed, and her name was… Arcana.

“However, even though she was omnipotent and immortal, she was lonely on her own. Thus, she decided to create two daughters, Lux and Umbra. To create the beautiful, kind and warm Goddess of Light, a cruel, ruthless and cold shadow was cast onto the world. The First Goddess treated both of her children equally, but it was only a matter of time before their small family became larger.

“Darkness spawned Chaos, while my Goddess used her amazing powers to give birth to Naturae. That’s when things started to get a little… sketchy. Well, let’s just say, the unofficial texts all say that the Goddesses of Nature and Chaos literally had sex with and impregnated each-other. While many of the less controversial scriptures state that the two of them had a great battle, and during the conflict, Terra, Ignis, Aqua and Aeris came into existence.

“Eventually, the nine of them became bored, and decided to play a game… That was when magical-beasts first appeared. They were created for the sole purpose of entertaining the Goddesses. However, it wasn’t enough for them to be satisfied; they needed people to truly hold their interests. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

Michael snickered and said “Of course, I kinda figured it out from the very beginning, but didn’t wanna interrupt your story. Also, I was enjoying the show… how long are you gonna scrub your pussy anyway? Ah, sorry, that word is probably really offensive to cat-girls huh?”

Elina glared at him and retorted “It’s offensive to all women, and aren’t you doing the same thing?” as she stopped floating on her back and stood up-right in the waist-deep, crystal-clear water.

He started laughing awkwardly, then asked “Wait, you were masturbating too?”

Next Chapter!

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7 thoughts on “Chapter 32: Does a Cat-Girl Defecate in the Jungle?

  1. Well, this chapter was extra crass than usual, which I’m fine with. But,
    Any more than that, and it’d reach a “Hurr hurr, girls and pussies, huhuhu” horny 12 years old narrative, and that’d be a shame.

    Like

  2. OMG THE LAST PARAGRAPH AND THAT PUSSY PUN OMG OMG 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Fuckkkk its 1:33 and i cant afford to laugh.. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Chapter 31: A ‘Divine’ Weapon | Mike777ac

  4. In case no one understands the title… there’s a saying “Does a bear shit in the woods?” Essentially, it’s a rhetorical question to respond to someone else asking a question, where the answer is obviously yes.

    Liked by 2 people

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