April Fools!

Okay, that’s a lie lmao. I didn’t feel like coming up with an April Fools Day special event, so I just edited and posted this chapter of HCOP HCL. Sigh, my eyes have been really fucked up lately… I think it was because I had the window open the other day and there was sunlight… Ah, sunlight, so harmful to us vampires. Anyway, now even at 150% magnification on my giant screen, everything is still pretty blurry.

***

As the fierce battle was occurring before Inari’s indifferent bright-blue vulpine eyes, all of her Companions were watching from inside of their conjoined Soul Realm. Rather than a boring pure-white room, the six of them were actually inside of a relatively spacious wooden cabin. There were windows along the walls, but it was too dark outside for any light to shine inside. The only illumination was the singular holographic screen that floated at the center of the room.

A giant dragoness was casually laying on a stone bench against the northern wall. Sarah was in her spider-girl form and casually hanging from the enormous webs all over the southeastern corner of the ceiling.

There was an extremely comfortable, oversized brown furry sofa not far from the screen. A handful of adorable green fox kits were nuzzled up against the beautiful angelic woman, who was sitting in the middle. Even though they were technically Inari’s children, they were actually just physical Avatars that she created within her own womb and personally birthed.

Several tiny pink kittens were lazily sprawled out on the rug that was underneath the holographic monitor and a naked cat-girl was cuddling with them. There was also an azure feline, which exuded an aura of frigid and Chaotic mana.

To the left of the couch was a small obsidian bistro table, along with two matching cushioned metal chairs. Since it was round, Michael and Talia were able to sit next to each other rather easily. The Nephilim was drinking from a magically enchanted crystalline coffee mug. It appeared to only hold a few ounces, but there were at least a dozen gallons of Dragon-Blood Tea inside. On the other hand, the High Elven Huntress was sipping a margarita made from Pixie-Tequila and limes that were infused with Arcane mana. She was also holding onto a slice of thick, stuffed crust pizza, that was covered with golden crab meat and pure-white pepperoni.

As everyone watched the entertaining battle, Michael started giving a long and drawn-out speech that only Talia seemed to care about.

“Forewarning was originally just a small group of frenemies who played a MMO called ‘The Gates of Sidhe’ together. Alexandria Summers brought em all together and became the GM, though she was more commonly known as Dumb Bunny, Bunnybelle and occasionally Freya. Her long term live-in fuckbuddy Odin, wasn’t actually one of the founding members and only joined later on.

“My brother ‘Dalthis’, was the highest ranked officer and I was the second… At least, I was in the beginning, but since I quit playing so many times, I eventually just ended up as a ‘Veteran’ member. Ironically, Butter Smooth and Jojo Kaine were also two of the founders. Then there was Nexic, the drug dealer… Like in reality, not in the game, hahaha~! John Jones was probably the most OP DPS on our server; I honestly have no clue how he did so much damage as practically any Class. Lexi Hellfire was a pretty professional Fire Mage and Decum was a hardcore, dedicated Warrior Tank. Lee was a RL friend of mine from High School and he didn’t really play that much. The same thing with Lulu… His real name was Luke Lucas, but he played a Gnome Priestess.

“So anyway~, somewhere along the line, the bear Tank Coffee Cakes joined up and became an officer. His real name was like… Chamuel Stevens, but we usually called him Chamoomoo, because science. Guadalupe Flores was actually a young crippled kid, who had osteogenesis imperfecta and everyone was always really nice to him at first. I mean, I remember being the first person to even find out about that… I obviously didn’t tell anybody, but when I came back after quitting for a few months, suddenly everyone knew. Butter was the first person to start making fun of him on a daily basis, then Bunny started treating him like shit and even Dalthis… Eventually, almost the entire guild was constantly coming up with cripple jokes and generally being total assholes to Ceda.”

It was then that Elina finally turned her head and frowned at the cackling Nephilim. She asked “How can you think that being cruel to a disabled person is funny?”

Michael snickered, “Nah~, normally it isn’t… But Ceda is a fucking hardcore masochist. Just look! He’s a goddamn weird-ass flying pirate ship now! Can ya hear him whining and groaning in agony from being broken in half? Well, he makes the same sound when he masturbates… Yeah, there was this one time when he accidentally had push-to-talk off and, well, you get the point.”

Talia stopped stuffing her face for a moment, to interject “My aunt Camilla was born without legs… My grandfather was not able to regenerate them, so she was permanently crippled.”

He smirked, wondering “Umm~, Tali, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

On the screen, they could all see that huge galleon crashing into the crimson ground. However, it immediately started transforming into the shape of a giant wooden golem. It’s upper body still resembled the front of the huge ship and there were cannons all over the place, while the back half had turned into three thick, spider-like legs.

The High Elf muttered “Ella era una perra loca de mierda.” Then she continued eating another slice of stuffed-crust pizza.

Michael continued “Okay~ then, as I was saying… Eventually, Bunny became a drug addict and totally lost her shit. I think she broke up with Odin and most of her former slaves, I mean guildies, either quit the game for various reasons or just left Forewarning. Of course, this all happened in a fucking videogame, so I’ve got no clue what happened in reality since then. On the positive side, I should still be friends with practically everybody from back then. They’ll still try to kill me, ‘cause I’m gonna have to murder them and all, but aside from that, our relationships should still be about the same.”

Alice yawned so loudly that it sounded more like a tiger’s roar, then she stretched her naked scaly body. After a few seconds, she casually mentioned “I’m not sure if you guys have noticed this yet… but the so-called ‘Deities’ in this world are a lot weaker than the ones in Arcana.”

Sarah crawled around on her web a bit and grumbled “It’s probably just ‘cause there’s barely any fucking mana in this shitty reality… There ain’t no overpowered Gods or Goddesses either. Whatever, it don’t matter anyway! Mike, are ya just gonna keep watching this or what?! We need them stupid balls, right?! I can see at least three of them out there!” Those five baby green foxes suddenly jumped up and started barking angrily at the grumpy spider-girl. “Bitch, go ahead! Ya think I won’t eat another one uh yer puppies?!”

Elina quickly grabbed all of her precious little vixens and screamed “Don’t you dare! I still haven’t forgiven you for the last two times! Just because you’re better at fighting than me, doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you want!”

Michael sighed, “Okay enough! The three of you need to calm the fuck down! Seriously though Sarah, I’ll put you in the JJ box if you keep being such an asshole. And Elly, Inari’s Avatars aren’t your toys or pets, they’re… Actually, ya know what? I don’t really give a damn! We’ve reached the point where I honestly have no idea how to feel about this kinda stuff anymore…”

Talia finally finished eating her entire gigantic pizza and belched, before blushing and clearing her throat. She took a sip of her margarita, then placed it down onto the table. After cracking her neck, the totally nude and slightly chubby woman suggested “Perhaps instead of bickering about total nonsense, we could simply take turns? Zorra should be first, then Sarah and I shall take the third position… If there are more enemies, then Elina, Gata Loca, and Alicia will be required to put forth a bit of effort.”

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