“Aahh~! Stop~! Please~! Stop~! Just kill me~! Let me die~!” A high-pitched voice was screeching loudly and reverberating throughout an enormous palace.
“Hahahaha~! Bitch please~! What fun would that be?! Don’t worry~! I don’t really have time to torture you personally anymore, but I have plenty of ‘friends’ who can take care of you for the next… I don’t know, fifty fucking years or so?”
There was a beautiful fiery angel sitting upon a gigantic golden throne. To her left was a two-meter tall man, hanging upside down, with dozens of superheated magical chains wrapped around his entire mutilated body. He was healing rapidly from every injury, regardless of whether he wanted to or not. However, there were five glowing purple pixies flying around his chest, face, groin and hands. They would peel off his finger and toe nails, jab needles into his genitals, electrocute his nipples, and pluck out his eyeballs every few hours.
That man screamed “No~! Please, stop! Why are you doing this to me~?! I don’t even know you! What could I possibly have done to receive such retribution?!”
The elven woman’s six crimson wings flapped and she floated off of the throne, melting it into golden slag. Then she hovered there, stretching her arms and yawning loudly. She wore an orange mage’s robe, which had very short sleeves and barely covered her relatively large breasts. Her hair constantly flickered and burned up towards the ceiling, as if it was a thousand strands of scarlet flame.
As her glowing emerald irises passed over the terrified man, she smirked and asked “Ain’t that kinda obvious? I mean, didn’t ya get the memo? You’re in violation of… I don’t fucking know, the law that says ya can’t ‘own’ people! Goddamn it, to be completely honest, I’m not really supposed to go around torturing bastards like you anymore… It’s just, I can’t help it! I just got out of a shitty marriage, my daughter’s a sociopath and I haven’t talked to her in three years, all the dungeons have pretty much been raided clean, and I haven’t gotten any stronger in a long time…”
He desperately begged “Please~! Don’t leave me here with these monsters! Agah~! Wait~! I never enslaved anyone! Slavery has been illegal in my kingdom for over a decade! Ever since The Guardians came into power, we made sure to follow your rules!”
Iris sneered at him, scolding “Oh sure~! So what you’re saying is that because you ‘freed’ all your slaves and stopped treating women like garbage, you’re automatically forgiven for all the horrible shit you did before you were forced to stop? Ya know, I really fucking hate scumbags like you! Hell, the fact that you’re even a ‘king’ is a good enough reason for me to burn you alive! Unfortunately for you, Arcana went around… I have no clue what she actually did, but every single sin you’ve ever committed was written down onto your bounty profile. It didn’t have anything past fifty years ago though… Still, what you ‘accomplished’ in your horrible little life is bad enough that I feel pretty unsatisfied only torturing you for a few days. Oh well, my pixies can keep you company while I’m gone. Adios~, fuckface!”
“Gah~! Please no~! No~! Ah~!” It wasn’t just that man who was screaming in agony, there were thousands of voices crying out in pain and suffering. All across the palace, there were cages hanging from the ceiling. Everything from Minotaurs to Dwarves were being tormented by tiny fiery pixies.
Once the six-winged elven woman flew out of the enormous melted hole in the gateway, she soared up into the dark and cloudy midday sky. Below her were the ruins of an enormous walled city, in the middle of a burning forest. Phoenixes were flying around, tearing apart giant blue birds. On the ground, thousands of knights in crimson armor were patrolling the streets. They went door to door and tore apart the already broken-down buildings, searching for ‘criminals’ to execute. Of course, they were also rescuing innocent people who hadn’t broken any of The Guardians’ laws.
As Iris continued ascending, her robe transformed into a skin-tight filament which coated her entire body. The golden sandals on her feet turned into combat boots and a bronze helmet appeared, covering her whole head.
Last but not least, those six wings suddenly started spewing out flames and exhaust. Even though she had reached the uppermost atmosphere, those jets allowed her to continue soaring away from the Earth.
She glanced down at the planet, which was usually covered by a purple or green haze, and noticed something odd. For a few moments, the entire continent of Africa became distorted and blurry. Then all of the chaotic mana that was typically spewing out that ominous ‘Abyssal Pit’, just stopped. Not only did it cease releasing that terrifying aura, it was all sucked back inside.
Without hesitation, she ‘contacted’ a friend via telepathy and asked “Hey! Trixie! Are you seeing this shit?!” A gargantuan pink slime emerged from the colossal hole in the ground, before rapidly rolling towards the south.
A familiar high-pitched voice murmured “Indeed… It appears that the beast we exterminated ten years ago wasn’t really Michael after all. This one seems much more powerful, but fortunately, it should be well within your capabilities. I’ll notify the others-”
Iris screamed “Fuck that! This bastard is really weak right now, so I can easily solo him! If you invite those other assholes, it’s just going to get complicated and Mike will probably escape! Don’t you remember what happened the last time?! Besides, I don’t wanna see any of those bastards right now!”
Beatrix sighed, whispering “Fine, but be careful. Even if he ‘seems’ weak, that might just be a trick. In fact, this could all be some elaborate trap set up by Cain.”
As the pink blob was transforming into a giant, demonic, three-eyed angelic man, Iris shot down towards the planet at an absurd speed. The air around her was burning from the friction alone, while those six wings seemed to grow exponentially. She swooped down, causing a huge dark stormcloud to be torn asunder.
Minari was casually gliding above the demonic remnants of that had previously been the Congo. Instead of trees, there were only treants and any spec of civilization was buried under giant bones and roots.
“Hey shithead! It’s been a while!”
There was only an instant between when he heard that deafening voice and when a relatively tiny, flaming scarlet fist, smacked into his forehead. Normally, there would be hard and powerful bones protecting his brain; unfortunately, there was a golden vertical eye instead. Iris’ gloved hand passed straight through the socket and his entire head exploded into pink sludge.
However, even though he ‘seemed’ dead or at least mortally wounded, his body instinctively moved. His right bronze claw grabbed the woman’s wrist and squeezed tightly, as he flapped those enormous golden wings and flew backwards a few dozen meters.
The demon’s splattered brains, head-juice and bone-fragments were all swiftly sucked back onto his neck. Within three seconds, he had totally regenerated and was able to yell “What the fucking cuntballs, bitch?! Oh, goddamn it! Kana, why the hell didn’t ya warn me that this twat was coming?!” Of course, Arcana had long since vanished into thin air and was nowhere to be found.
Iris cackled, cracked her knuckles and asked “Is it really ‘you’ this time? You seem a little weak to be the real one…”
Michael complained “Isn’t this kinda unfair? The last boss is supposed to wait until I’m stronger before trying to kill me, right? Well, on the other hand, you aren’t really as powerful as I was expecting… When I heard the term ‘Peak Deity’, I figured you’d be able to obliterate planets with a casual queef.”
Technically it’s kind of the same day, but I’ve gone to sleep and woken up, so it’s the next day for me lol. Anyway, for those of you who read “Chaotica’s Coliseum”, yes, Iris is Iris :P.
Whenever I think about Iris, “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” kind of feels like her theme song… Well, I can think of a few others too lol. Most of which are in my ‘Favorites’ playlist roflmao.
In other news, I bought the monthly ‘Humble Bundle‘ the other day. Ironically “Total War: Warhammer” is technically on sale for like 40 dollars… So I was like “Oh hey, I really wish that game would go on sale for a price that I can actually afford!”
Then I checked the reviews and noticed that the top one said “You can get the game for 12 dollars if you buy the Humble Bundle right now!” And so, I got the game for 12 dollars…
Of course, there’s still the fucked up DLC situation lmao. They basically make you pay 3 dollars just to have blood and gore in the game rofl. The Chaos faction isn’t even playable in the base game… You need to buy it for 8 dollars.
Thus far, I haven’t spend any more money on the game. I’ve also only played the campaign as the vampire bastards for an hour or so… I royally fucked up though, so I’ll probably have to restart or just pick a different faction to play around with. I’ll also most likely pick ‘Easy’ rather than ‘Normal’ difficulty, because I am basically trash when it comes to those kinds of strategy games lol.
On the other hand, I also bought and beat Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. It was on sale for like 12 dollars a few days ago, on Bundle Star. I didn’t spend money on any of the DLC yet… But I might, if it goes on sale. It’s just like, I’m a total loner and Borderlands almost forces you to play with other people sometimes lmao.
My review on the Pre-Sequel is basically… The gameplay is pretty fun. It was definitely worth 12 dollars. I like the low gravity and oxygen management stuff. I played as Athena, because I watched “Tales From the Borderlands” just before I bought the game, so yeah… Also, Athena is basically the only character who isn’t dead, right?
Anyway, lazers, beams and railguns are cool. However, I didn’t think it was very funny. I probably laughed once or twice, but I’m the type of person who laughs at practically anything and everything… So if it can’t make ‘me’ laugh, then idfk what other people must have thought of the comedy lol. Also, that game made me kinda-sorta hate Lilith. Especially because I played Athena. Janey Springs was the best character in the game.
So, yeah, maybe I should have just created a totally different post for this long AN, but fuck it! I don’t wanna!
By the way, the next thing I post will probably be Chapter 5 of “Tower Defense Deities“. Oh yeah, and I just finished writing Volume 2 of TDD lmao.
Holy shit, also almost forgot, but my mother just finished the cover-art for “The Diary of Destiny King“! So I’ll finally be able to actually publish a book… For the first time ever! Ah~, I’m actually pretty nervous, but whatever. I’ll try to ignore my anxiety until it eventually manifests in a physical form and then complain about it lol.
There’s also a whole volume of “The Dao of Eros” that I haven’t started editing or posting yet…