What if I told you that my house is haunted? Like seriously, even back before the world ended, Chipper would always rush into the house, run down into my room and then head over to the furnace. Midnight was always too afraid to enter the house at all. Now that he finally has, he’s doing the same thing as Chipper.
He goes into the back of the basement, where it’s too dark to even see him, and then meows at me. I didn’t really think anything of it before, but he was freaking out earlier and I saw the reflection of what happened on the computer screen. Two weird black tentacles came out of thin air and knocked a book off the shelf. The same book that I nearly broke my foot tripping over when I was half-asleep.
I’m starting to think that maybe this apocalypse isn’t as simple as it appeared at first. What if the reason I didn’t get die like everyone else is because of that one time, when I performed a weird ritual with blood and semen, trying to summon a succubus? Am I being haunted by a succubus? I’d also settle for a regular tentacle monster.
Why hasn’t it tried to rape me yet though? No, maybe it’s the kind that feeds off my dreams and doesn’t need physical sustenance? I do have loads of sexmares all the time… Even before the world ended and I started seeing so much death, I always had a bunch of ‘weird’ fetishes. Not really sure when it began to be honest. I’ve probably always been fucked up. It’s just gotten worse since, well, there’s no one left to chastise or judge me anymore.
No, I’m not crazy or nasty enough to try to have sex with a zombie. At most, I’ve just umm… Well, there isn’t a whole lot of porn around anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve looted plenty of magazines and hentai books. I basically grab anything I can find, but there comes a time, when you’re really horny and tired. You start to make bad or at least, dangerous decisions.
For example, I might have kinda-sorta, had a ‘collection’ next door. I say ‘had’, because it turns out that reproductive organs aren’t really on the list of things that zombies can keep from rotting. In the beginning of my adventures, I saw a lot of dead girls. Some of them were corpses, others were reanimated. I always had a weird fetish for gore and autopsy videos back in the day.
Unfortunately, ‘scent’ is a huge factor when it comes to sexuality. Zombies smell like shit, piss and decay. I don’t particularly like any of those ‘scents’. Sure, I tried scrubbing them down with bleach, washing them off with alcohol and peroxide… All the basics for cleaning, even using normal soaps. I just couldn’t get the stench to go away.
I won’t lie and say that I didn’t masturbate to zombies and corpses, but I definitely didn’t get anywhere near them without using rubber gloves, a mask and a butcher gown. I made sure to remove the arms and legs to prevent them from moving. I kept the heads attached to the undead though. If I didn’t, then they would deteriorate way too fast.
Although I usually just jerk off the old fashioned way, every now and then I’ll find a sexy enough zombie to fap to… Yeah, I don’t care what you think! I also have a collection of pocket pussies and vibrators, but they’re from before. I’ve been single for almost ten years for fuck’s sake! People go insane from not having human interaction for too long. This is the best I can do! At least I’m not crazy enough to cuddle with the undead out of loneliness!
Let’s get back to the haunting thing for a second though. The cat is still back there meowing, but I’m not sure if I should go over and try to confront the demon and/or ghost. What if they get scared and abandon me? Are they actually protecting me from getting sick? Am I just losing my mind and hallucinating all of this?
Regardless, I’ll try to avoid spooking the hopefully sexy succubus or tentacle monster and just masturbate to the stacks of comic porn I found a while ago. Not hentai, but actual western comics. I honestly didn’t even know that there were places that sold this kinda stuff. I’ve seen it online, but never in person. It turns out that there are all kinds of printed pornography though. Hell, if I get really desperate, there’s an art place down the block that was doing a nude exhibit before the power went out.
I wonder if she’s watching me right now? Can she read English? Ugh, I can’t write and fap, so I’ll have to continue later on. “The Divine Wincest Chronicles: Chaos and Naturae”… This is some pretty hardcore shit.
Well, I’m exhausted. No, not from masturbating. I put on my armor and headed over to the library a few blocks away. For whatever reason, the place was filled with zombies. It was chained up outside, so I guess someone locked them in there? I don’t know whether they were alive or undead at the time though.
A lot of the books were covered in blood, guts and/or filled with bullet holes. Fortunately though, all the fishing and sailing stuff was on the second floor, in a corner that was safe from the chaos. Of course, while I was standing in front of the double doors and slowly killing off the zombies that poured out, my shiny suit managed to attract the attention of a horde that was roaming around Eastern Avenue.
In the end, I had to start using my guns, which drew even more of the undead assholes to me. It wasn’t like I could run away, or even that I needed to… Still, I decided to head over to the back of the library and lock the door behind me. Then I went up the emergency staircase and made it to the second floor, where I waited at the top of the ‘main’ staircase for the stupid bastards to crawl their way up to where I was.
Yeah, this is a pretty obvious thing, but you should always take the high ground when you’re fighting against enemies that can’t fly. Especially if you can form a chokepoint, where loads of them have to clump together and slow each other down.
Even against enemies that aren’t total morons, it’s a technique that works pretty well. Especially if they don’t have any better options. Yeah, I played a lot of strategy games back in the day.
Anyway, now that I have a few books on sailing and ships, I’ll need to read them… Which will take a while. In the meantime, I need to start moving my shit around. It’s a two mile round-trip from here to Fells Point or Canton. For basic supplies, I’ll just loot them from the area. The only things I really need to worry about are my weapons and ammo. Although there used to be and still are a lot of guns in Baltimore, it’s good to stick with what you know.
My twelve-gauge pump-action is from the police station. I found my AK-47 on some random dude that tried to kill me. The M16 was on a zombified soldier guy… At least he looked like a soldier, but he could’ve just stolen those clothes and equipment from one for all I know. I had some grenades too; used them to deal with some people who were shooting at me and a big horde.
There are a few hunting rifles, which work pretty well for sniping. Pistols are the most common. I have everything from crappy snubnosed revolvers, to police-issued Glocks. My 1911 has a pretty big ring around the trigger, so it’s easier to use while wearing those bulky gauntlets.
Compared to the guns though, I use melee weapons way more often. Bladed weapons don’t last long before they get dull or chipped, but I literally have a flail. There’s also a mace and a sweet warhammer. Axes are pretty awesome too, especially the kind that were ‘designed’ to be used against zombies. I found most of this stuff either in peoples houses, just lying in the street or in stores that I looted.
It’s kind of sad, but swords are relatively terrible. Even if they’re sharpened as much as possible, they’re usually still not very good. There are definitely situations where they’re awesome. For example, if you’re fighting a person with a knife. Still, a spear, halberd or glaive is still way better overall. The longer the reach, the safer you’ll be.
Also, some idiot tried to stab me with a sword before. Didn’t say anything, just rushed up and slashed across my chest… Which was protected by a steel breastplate. Yeah, I’ve got no clue what the fuck that guy was thinking. He actually seemed surprised when it only created some sparks and didn’t even hurt me. Since he was wearing a bulletproof vest, I just shot him in the face and moved on with my life.
I’m sorry! It just wasn’t that interesting! There was no dramatic dialogue or revenge plots involved! He didn’t beg for his life and I didn’t ask for last words! The dumbass tried to kill me for no apparent reason and I counterattacked without really thinking about it!
Maybe he thought that my armor was fake? Oh well, the moral of the story is that guns are usually more effective than swords. Also, I’m the MC; trying to kill me is ‘courting death’!
I miss translated Chinese webnovels…