Okay then, so it turns out that I actually didn’t edit these chapters yet… Ugh, anyway, it’s gonna take a while before the next one comes out.
Zhang Lang wasn’t in my eye socket and definitely wasn’t in my hands, so I started looking around the room. I muttered “Fuck, if that bastard jumped out the window… Ugh~, maybe I should have put it on a leash? Ah, wait a second!” It didn’t take too long for me to sit down by the window again and ‘search’ my own Dantian.
The outermost layer was a thick green gas and the innermost parts were an even denser dark-red fog. When the two substances collided, massive amounts of crimson lightning arced all over the damn place. I saw a white demonic skull floating around, devouring the viridian mist and spewing out that sinister scarlet smog, which swiftly sank ‘downwards’.
From my tiny perspective, my Dantian seemed enormous. Maybe several miles from one end to the other. Of course, that was just using Xiaotong’s normal size as a reference. She was probably microscopic at that moment.
As I strolled around a bit, I noticed a deep and ominous buzzing noise in the distance. It was difficult to see anything through the fog, but as I flew closer, I yelled “Holy monkey-snatch! What the shit?!”
Have you ever seen a tornado of fire? Okay, now imagine that it was an entire hurricane of flames. Except, replace every ember with a single bright-red cockroach. Yeah, that’s what was flying past me.
When the tempest engulfed me, I noticed that not all of those Spirits were exactly the same. The weakest ones resembled tiny nymphs and they didn’t even have wings. Each of them was practically transparent, with very little substance. For the sake of illustrating the differences in size, I’ll just say that they were about one centimeter long.
The bright-red adult roaches were around two inches and occasionally, I could see them mating, laying eggs, even fighting or eating each other. They lived, died and reproduced at a crazy-fast rate. More like cells than actual insects.
Anyway, although the bulk of the swarm was incredibly pathetic, there were exceptions. Just like a flame, there were many different shades and colors. After taking a closer look, I was able to find plenty of dark-crimson roaches, which were each nearly a foot long. Each of those bastards were able to control their smaller counterparts to a certain extent and even waged war against the others.
Then there were the meter long, bright-orange critters. They didn’t interact with the ‘lowly’ reds at all, but were under the control of the six-foot long, dark-orange roaches. Even though the oranges were so much larger than the reds, they both took up about the same amount of overall space within the tempest.
Bright-yellow behemoths the size of cruise ships soared past me occasionally. Oddly enough though, the dark-yellow roaches were much more compact: Only about the length of a school bus. Throughout the entire swarm, I could only find a hundred or so gigantic yellow roaches.
There were ten or twenty green bugs as well, but they were only a few feet long and blended into the thick Nature Qi fog. It didn’t help that they all stayed around the outskirts, making it even more difficult to notice them.
“We hunger… You feed…” Thousands of screeching voices tore through my mind, as I entered into the deepest depths of that roach-swarm. In the eye of the storm, there was a singular, three-inch bright-blue ‘Zhang Lang’. They all appeared roughly the same, but were just different shapes and sizes based on their color.
I snickered, “Yeah, my Dantian is basically an all-you-can-eat buffet…” Although they seemed rather imposing at first, the truth was that they weren’t very big compared to the seemingly endless green fog. Besides, although they consumed enormous amounts of Nature Qi, they also produced waste.
In the wake of the cocknado… roach-storm, tons of fiery whirlwinds flew off in every direction. That infernal mana didn’t ‘burn’ or even interfere with the Nature and Chaos Qi. It wasn’t very dense in comparison the the dark-red glob of smog, but I did notice a rapid change throughout my Dantian and my entire body: It was getting hotter.
At first it wasn’t so bad; I barely even noticed it since the temperature was so high already, but it didn’t take long for me to start sweating a lot. I opened my eye and stared down at my arms, noticing the thousands of crimson insects crawling across my skin.
“Umm, can you go back inside or, hmm, this might be a problem…” Unlike Xiaotong, Zhang Lang didn’t seem to understand me. Well, maybe it’s more like, ‘it’ was a ‘they’. The cockroaches had a hive-mind of sorts, but they seemed to be individuals too. That blue one was probably their leader or at least the most intelligent roach out of the swarm.
“Ow, shit, ugh, what in the hell?” Those critters started biting and burrowing into my flesh. Although there wasn’t any physical damage, it still burned like a motherfucker. Then a strange red rash started appearing all over my forearms and hands.
It looked like a glowing scarlet tattoo. Now normally, I would think that it was pretty awesome. Unfortunately, the content of that particular piece of artwork was basically just a bunch of clustered together cockroaches.
There are so many cool and badass insects out there… Yet I managed to get stuck with one of the most hated bugs of all time. Well, on the plus side, it didn’t feel like thousands of fire-ants were crawling around under my skin. Oh wait, that’s exactly what it felt like.
As I did my breathing technique and sucked up plenty of the mana from outside my window, I noticed that more roaches started crawling out from my pores. They were minuscule at first, but rapidly enlarged, before burrowing under my skin.
You have no idea how difficult it was to keep from clawing and scratching myself. When I plucked one off of the back of my left hand, it screeched and struggled to escape. Then I heard a quiet pop, like a small firework going off and noticed a faint crimson flame burning on my thigh.
“Ow, shit, what the fuck?!” Occasionally the critters would absorb too much Qi and explode. It was barely even noticeable when they were in my Dantian, but it felt like a drop of boiling water splashed on me when they were crawling around on my skin.
“Okay, that’s enough! If you don’t go back inside, then I’ll stop feeding you!” They didn’t comprehend words, but fortunately, their ‘leader’ did.
I heard a deep and creepy voice bellowing “Return~!” and all the glowing red cockroach tattoos on my skin started to fade away. Most importantly, that nasty itchiness disappeared.
“Thanks, Zhang Lang…” However, the moment that I uttered that name, there was a deafening roar and it felt like I was going to burst into flames at any moment.
Once that noise and agitated sensation settled down, I heard a myriad of annoying high-pitched voices grumbling “Do not call us that… We are not insignificant cockroaches… We are Legion!”
“Umm, yeah, I wasn’t trying to put you all down or anything like that… But you ‘are’ technically cockroaches. Now, don’t freak out and just let me explain a bit first, okay? I totally remember being a gigantic astral space-snake of some sort for a while before I got this fancy new human body. But I don’t go around complaining if someone says I have a small penis or I’m a tiny brat, I mean, look at me for shit’s sake! That’s just how it is. No point bitching and whining about something that isn’t even so bad. We’re both growing and changing, right? Well, right now you’re a clusterfuck of cockroaches and I’m a ten year old kid. Regardless of whether we like it or not, it ain’t gonna be this way forever…”
After I finished my quiet speech, there was an awkward silence for a few minutes. Then a soft and feminine voice murmured “We accept words… But we still Legion. Zhang Lang not exist. Call us Legion or we not answer. You give food now, we eat… We give power, you use… Now feed.”
Although their understanding of English didn’t seem to be that great, at least they did possess more intelligence than a real cockroach. Well, either way, in order to ‘thank’ them for not crawling all over my body, I stayed by the window and performed my breathing technique for about an hour. Then I got horny and masturbated to Mei’s ass… Don’t judge me. It’s not like I had a bunch of porn laying around, right?