Throughout the course of my ‘life’, I spent a whole lot of time doing things that were inevitably… pointless. Twenty-five years, and I basically accomplished nothing. Just a lot of disappointment and depression. Yet I continued to struggle, because I believed that this was ‘it’. I was an Atheist, even though I was raised as a Christian.

Yep, I believed in basically nothing, except science I guess… A lot of people are like that though. Does that make us ‘Trashmobs’ or worthless losers who don’t even believe that actual accomplishments mean anything? Or were we just programmed that way. Created to be the useless side-characters, no, not even at the level of side-characters! We were just the garbage that the side-characters killed for experience or fun!

[You have died. Tallying score now…]

[Generic Earth Server-1927: Session time from 1993 to 2018.
Years Survived: 25 = +25 exp.
Humans Killed: 1,059,439 = -1,059,439 exp.
Players Killed: 300,031 = +309,780 exp.
Years of Schooling: 12 = +120 exp.
Years of Conventional Work: 7 = +140 exp.
Net Worth: 0 = +100 exp.
Number of Children: 0 = +5 exp.
Happiness Value: -5 = +100 exp.
Mods Utilized: 1 = -1000 exp.
Total Score: -750,169]

[Since you are not Ranked, you are unable to be penalized for having a negative score. Thus, you are henceforth banned from Generic Earth Server-1927. You may not return before the end of this session. Also, due to your excessive Mod usage and the nature of your Mod, you have been marked by all Old Earth Online Servers. Although you are not banned completely from playing the game, you will not be able to use abilities that could potentially cause the Server to crash.]

What the fuck?! You’ve gotta be kidding me! Providence, why didn’t you warn me ahead of time?!

[I have warned you previously. I assumed that you did not mind being banned. It is only one Server of a single game after all. Although Old Earth Online used to be the most popular for quite awhile, Players tend to prefer Pantheon 5 or other similar games, where you can obtain Immortality or Divinity to a certain extent. Regardless of the fact that you earned no post-mortem experience from your Old Earth Online session… You have earned some Achievements. Though not all of them come with experience, there are always new cards to be gained.]

[Achievement Earned: “Becoming a Player”. You were originally an NPC in “Old Earth Online” on Generic Earth Server-1927. You have earned a new card!]

[Achievement Earned: “25 Years on Earth”. You survived for at least 25 years in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

[Achievement Earned: “Million Massacre”. You slaughtered over 1,000,000 humans in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

How the fuck did I have over a million enemies?!

[Achievement Earned: “300k PKs”. You slaughtered over 300,000 Players in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

How did I kill that many Players at one time?! No wonder I got banned… They probably all reported me.

[Achievement Earned: “Honor Roll Student”. You endured 12 years of compulsory education in “Old Earth Online”, while also staying at the top of your class in every academic subject. You have earned a new card!]

Never thought that would ever be worth anything though…

[Achievement Earned: “Unskilled Worker”. You endured 7 years working in various ‘unskilled’ fields during your short life in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

Also amazed that there’s an achievement for generic customer service work.

[Achievement Earned: “Dead Broke”. You managed to die without even a shred of wealth to leave behind to your family in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

I had plenty of money saved up before the break-in… I had a house, but it probably burned down after we left. I guess I really didn’t have any ‘money’ on me when I died, or any way to access it.

[Achievement Earned: “Heirless”. You managed to die without having a single descendant in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

[Achievement Earned: “Miserable Man”. You survived for at least 25 years in “Old Earth Online”, while spending most of your life unhappy and unfulfilled. You were also a man. You have earned a new card!]

I wasn’t always unhappy! Besides that, I was only twenty-five! I never expected to die so young, or that the world would be ending all of the sudden!

[Achievement Earned: “Reality Breaker”. You played “Old Earth Online” with a Mod that essentially broke the continuity and authenticity of the game, ruining it for many other Players. You have earned a new card!]

Well those assholes probably deserved it. Do they expect me to feel bad for cheating? Because I don’t! I feel bad for inadvertently killing over a million regular people, but not those Players. They aren’t really even dead anyway.

[Achievement Earned: “Negative 750k”. You managed achieve a total score of under -750k experience points in “Old Earth Online”. You have earned a new card!]

It’s a good thing I wasn’t Ranked yet…

[Achievement Earned: “Banned”. You managed to get banned from an “Old Earth Online” Server, using the Cards of Fate… Good job! You have earned a new card!]

You don’t have to fucking rub it in! Anyway, it’s kinda amazing that I got twelve Achievements so ‘easily’. All I had to do was die.

[You also slaughtered over a million people, unintentionally. Although, while your actions were extremely destructive… You also happened to end the Second American Civil War. You did not receive credit for your actions, but I am slightly impressed by your ‘luck’.]

Oh yeah, I’m so damn lucky that I was crushed to death by a tank. Whatever, there’s nothing I can do about it now. At least I can finally ‘rest’. Feels like I’ve been panicking so much lately. No, not just lately. My whole life has been one disaster after another.

Sure, I was a lot luckier than some people, but I was still pretty unfortunate. It wasn’t that bad growing up, when Dad was with us. He was a doctor and made a decent amount of money… But then he lost his license and was sued into oblivion. Mom broke up with him ‘cause he became an alcoholic asshole for a while, but instead of getting back together, he fled to fucking Japan to avoid debt collectors. We were fortunate that he was technically not related to us at the time, but the debt collectors still took us to court more than once.

[I already know your entire life history. Along with several of your past lives, if you are interested…]

Umm, okay, who was I in my past life?

[A female villager in Vietnam named Pham Qui, the surname is first in many Asian countries. You were born in 1960 and died in 1970. Killed by a landmine while fleeing from some Chinese soldiers who had already killed your father and raped your mother in front of you. Before that, you were a man named Jason O’Brien, a barkeeper in Ireland. You were killed by an IRA bike bomb.]

So what you’re saying is that I’m actually extremely unlucky. I was alive in Vietnam during the Vietnam War, as a fucking village girl. Then as some random bystander who got blown up by terrorists in Ireland…

[At least you were never raped or tortured, technically. Many NPCs in Old Earth Online are not so fortunate. Also, you were able to become a Player. It is something that very few are able to accomplish.]

Well, I’d like to thank Fate Fortuna if I could. Without her ‘ascending’ or whatever she did, I would still be trapped in that hellish Server. My next incarnation would probably be even more miserable than the last three.

[Fate Fortuna is alive, in the conventional sense. However, since her physical body is experiencing ‘normal’ time, it will take quite a while for her to receive any kind of message from either of us. Unfortunately, she is unable to return to Virtual Rapture in our near future. Otherwise, you could simply convey your appreciation directly.]

Virtual Rapture? Like Rapture in the Bible?

[Indeed, the origin of the name does come from a translation of the Christian Bible. Virtual Rapture is both the name of the operating software and the physical hardware. All of which allows the virtual reality we are currently within, to exist.]

That’s pretty neat. Doesn’t really change the fact that this is ‘my’ reality though. Honestly, it’s kind of like two entirely different realms. Up there, where Fate Fortuna lives, is kinda like Heaven or some dimension above mine. While I’m living in a reality that, to her, isn’t even real. Something she can change and edit whenever she wants.

[That is true. If she wished, it would only take a few keystrokes or words to erase your existence from this Private Server. At least, in the event that I allowed her to do so… Or rather, the version of my AI that exists outside of this Virtual Rapture Private Server.]

Great, so you can kill me whenever you want and so could Fate. I guess this is just my ‘destiny’.

[That pun is unfortunate.}

Pft~! Yes… Yes it is…Providence.

*Author’s Note*

For this story, at least so far, I’ve done 1st person prologues and epilogues. Might not keep doing it, but in that case I might just not do an epilogue or prologue at all lmao.

Anyway, will Matt ever get laid? Will Michael Cinagra win in a fight against an alternate version of himself? Will Slutty Mike have sex with a female avatar of Matt? Is it bestiality to have sex with a centaur? Is it gay to have sex with yourself?

Well, find out next time, on “Private Server”!