Chapter 19: An Immortal Walks Into a Bar

Michael muttered “It’s bad enough that I have to smell the fucking pigs, cows, chickens and horses… now I have to stay at ‘The Popcorn Motel.’ Ugh, well, whatever, it’s still better than sleeping on the dirt I guess. Ah, Inari, come here for a second.” as he reached down and gently caressed the vixen’s head, before sending her into Companion-slot one.

After taking a deep breath, he used telekinesis to open the saloon-style doors, and walked into the noisy bar. It was only eight, so the night was still relatively young for the various adventurers and hunters: who were drinking beer, liquor, or wine.

There were at least twenty small tables spread throughout the room, and some stools near the actual bar. Seeing the rabbit-kilt wearing, topless man, walk into the building, most of the Dwarves, Goblins, Orcs and Humans didn’t even look at him; the Warbeasts however, were different.

Near the northernmost corner of the room was a medium-sized, rounded table, with three people sitting around it. Each of them were of the Cat-Tribe; they had black hair and fur, tan skin, feline pupils, and long, slightly-fluffy tails.

A young woman with freckles and yellow irises, wearing a white-robe, quietly whispered “How does someone earn a title like that?” Anyone with a decent ‘Identification’ skill would easily be able to see that above his head floated “Michael The Immortal, Level-4 Human, Rank-F.”

The lightly-bearded middle-aged man to her left, grumbled “He’s so weak, but already Rank-F…” He was a fairly large-framed, and incredibly muscular level-seven, rank-G Knight, with a full suit of thick steel plate-mail, and a huge flamberge sheathed across his back.

Lastly, was an alluring female, with large breasts, bright-blue eyes, and an incredibly revealing, nearly transparent, azure silk dress. A ‘charming’ smile appeared on her small lips, as she stood up and shouted “Michael, come sit with us!”

Hearing his name suddenly called, the half-naked human glanced over to the corner of the room, and saw two cat-girls and a heavily armored cat-man. He muttered “Enchantress sounds like a slutty Sorceress… Hmmm, their names are all red. They’re only a few levels higher than me, and a rank lower, but they actually have decent gear. Sigh, oh well, let’s see what kinda cliche bullshit they’re gonna try to pull.” as he nonchalantly walked towards them.

The Knight glared at him, with dark-red eyes, while shouting “Hurry the fuck up!” before smacking his fists against the table: causing the noisy bar to become silent. Intimidation and other similar spells, which affected a person’s mental state, had absolutely no effect on targets with a higher Willpower than the caster.

Michael glanced at the white-robed Priestess, named ‘Elina’ and asked “What the hell do you assholes want?” as he casually sat down in the seat that the ignored Enchantress had been using.

She glared at him, before sitting on the chair to his right, and whispering into his ear “We know you have a rank-F mana-core in your head… What do you think would happen, if those Orcs and Goblins over there found out?”

He snickered, then turned to the woman and said “They’d probably try to kill me in my sleep, or wait until I left the village tomorrow and attack in a large group. I’d die… at least a few times.”

Hearing that, the busty cat-girl chuckled, and told him “Don’t worry, we’ll keep your secret… for a price.” The freckled Priestess sighed, and reached her hand to the middle of the table, grabbing a handful of slightly burnt popcorn, from the rather large bowl; then she shoved it into her mouth, and drank a few sips from her glass of red-wine.

Michael smirked at the level-six, rank-G Enchantress, named Lilly, and asked “You two girls seem surprisingly clean… Hell, you even smell like oranges; fuck the blackmail nonsense, I’m more interested in buying some soap. Ah, I don’t have any money, but I can pay in animal carcasses… or human corpses; which would you prefer?”

The Knight, Richard, yelled “You arrogant little bastard! Do we look like damned soap merchants?!” as he reached across the table and grabbed the man’s throat, with his gauntlet-covered right hand. However, his entire body immediately began convulsing, as he made “Ugugu Gugug, ah~!” noises, and lost consciousness.

A huge ‘-25’ appeared above his head, and his Health dropped down to 20/45, but he received a ‘paralyzed’ debuff. His heavy torso landed on the popcorn-bowl, crushing it, and nearly breaking the table in half.

While there was a general rule against fighting within villages, towns, or cities, unless someone was killed or seriously wounded, no one usually cared. Essentially, the other patrons, even the bartender or waiters, simply acted like they didn’t see anything, and tried not to get involved with the noisy Cat-Tribe adventurers.

Elina quickly raised her left hand into the air, and chanted “Goddess of Light, please grant me your power: Heal!” and a while light emerged from her palm. It seemed to pass through the ceiling, then come back down, landing on her injured comrade.

The effects were instantaneous, as all the burns on Richard’s body were recovered, and his Health was back to full. However, his debuff wasn’t removed, and he didn’t awaken.

Lily glared at the human, and her cat-like, bright-blue eyes glowed, as she cast an illusion spell: “Charm.” Unfortunately for her, Michael’s Willpower stat was much higher than her Charisma, so it didn’t work.

He sighed, and asked her “Calm the fuck down. Seriously, the hell’s wrong with you people? Are you guys bandits? Extortion, blackmail, now you want to murder me? What, do you think I wouldn’t fight back just because you’re adorable nekomimi? Do you have any idea how many cute little bunnies I had to slaughter so far?! Anyway, do you have soap or not?”

As the Enchantress was about to create a fire-ball, Elina angrily told her “Stop it, Lily.” Before coldly staring into the man’s dark-brown eyes, and saying “We do have some extra bars. How much are you willing to pay for them?”

The busty woman grimaced, and scooted her wooden chair a few feet away from him. Michael smirked, as he reached out and pushed against the top of Richard’s steel, full-helm, and sliding him off the cracked table.

Then he asked “How much are these worth?” as a freshly decapitated, white-rabbit corpse, fell onto the middle of the table. It seemed to have been conjured out of thin-air, but there was no mana involved, so the two girls were startled.

Lily used her ‘Scan Level-4’ and muttered “How the hell… Hmmm, it’s only a level-one, core-less, rank-G though.” Weak magical-beast carcasses were fairly common on the market, but if sold to a Butcher or Leatherworker in Carrabelle City, or turned into the Adventurer’s Guild, it was possible to receive at least twenty copper coins.

Elina reached under her chair, and pulled out a large backpack, made from white-fur, and placed it onto the table. Michael was a little surprised when he saw that there were actually metal zippers, but not very impressed with something so ‘low-tech.’

After opening a compartment, and removing three small, orange, fist-sized bars of soap. A citrusy aroma wafted off of them, and carried over to the relatively filthy Human; he couldn’t help but release a sigh of relief.

She told him “I’ll trade you three for three.” and he immediately removed two more decapitated rabbits from his inventory, dropping them next to the first one, and pushing it all towards the Priestess. Then he stood up, reached over the table, and touched the three bars of soap; making them disappear into thin air, before sitting back down and smirking.

A few seconds of awkward silence passed, before Elina asked “How did you earn that title?” Not only was he far too young and low-leveled, but to be deemed ‘The Immortal,’ she knew that he would have had to survive some sort of terrible disaster.

Michael started laughing hysterically, and then revealed “It was actually pretty easy… I only had to die seven times.” Obviously, the two cat-girls didn’t believe him, so he removed a severed Human head from his inventory and placed it on the table.

Lily screamed as she jumped backwards and fell off her chair, but Elina just calmly activated her ‘Scan Level-5’ and read the description: “Michael The Immortal’s Head: Removed from the level-four corpse of a rank-F Human male; mana-core has been torn out from the back of the skull, then returned. Time of Death: Five minutes ago.”

Next Chapter!

9 thoughts on “Chapter 19: An Immortal Walks Into a Bar

  1. That last scene was hilarious, i was reading this story just because a guy commented in I Shall Seal The Heavens that it was a good story to kill time until new ISSTH updates arrived but this is pretty good


  2. “The Knight, Richard, yelled “You arrogant little bastard! Do we look like damned soap merchants?!” as he reached across the table and grabbed the man’s throat, with his gauntlet-covered right hand. However, his entire body immediately began convulsing, as he made “Ugugu Gugug, ah~!” noises, and lost consciousness.”

    I didn’t understand what the hell happened here, how was I supposed to know if the MC or the knight was choked? I didn’t know until the heal spell (still reading…)
    Not trying to bitch but everything prior was smooth, so far its the first time i’ve been confused while reading.


    • We know from previous chapters that he has:

      Electrocution Level 1: Transforms mana directly into alternating current and channels it through the caster’s body, dealing lightning damage to enemies that are in physical contact with the caster’s skin. Potency is dependent on the Willpower stat.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Still forty chapters behind…. Sigh, it doesn’t take that long to PR/Edit/Post these chapters, but it’s still tedious, especially when I’m trying to keep up a steady writing pace of 2-4 chapters a day lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Chapter 18: Crafting Is Important | Immortal Soul

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