Compressing a bunch of gas in your gut is exactly as pleasant as it sounds. I couldn’t help but ask “Are you absolutely sure that I don’t need to take a shit? Cause I really don’t feel good right now… Urp~, nope, almost threw up but managed to keep it inside!”

Long Di started laughing hysterically as he told me “Most little kids crap themselves the first few times they try ta condense the Qi in their Dantian. Don’t be such a pussy though! If ya really can’t help yourself, just pull yer pants down and I’ll look the other way. Hahahaha~! Now imagine in one uh them big fancy Sects, with all them snot-nosed pretentious brats! No matter how strong they get in the future, their peers would always remember that time when they all shat themselves in front uh each other!”

“Wait, stop, don’t make me laugh goddamn it! Oh, hey, I think I did it?! That horrible sensation is gone, but I didn’t even fart or burp!” It kind of felt like there was a tiny bubble behind my bellybutton; I was an innie by the way. When I pushed my index finger into my navel, I could almost reach the spot where that swirling vortex of power was located. Obviously, I had no idea what it really looked like, but that was how the old guy explained it.

“Okay, now look at the back uh yer right hand.” There was a black line that suddenly appeared, but it quickly vanished. He explained “That symbol means one. It don’t take much power ta make either yer level or age marker appear. There ain’t much difference between one and ten when it comes ta Novices. Ya just gotta keep focusing on slowly building up the Qi in yer Dantian. Don’t push yourself too far, cause if ya pop that bubble, ya gotta start from scratch.”

Apparently, the ‘Dantian’ was some kind of special organ that wasn’t particularly large, but could contain concentrated mana. It was about the size of a lymph node and if it was destroyed or removed, it was nearly impossible to regenerate. There were probably some special magical techniques or expensive medicines that could let a person recover, but only big Sects and Clans would have access to them.

As I was about to start doing that weird breathing exercise again, Long Di walked over and patted me on my left shoulder. He shouted “That’s good enough fer one night Brat! Cultivation is supposed ta be slow and steady… Like growin crops or raising kids! If ya try ta rush it, you’ll just end up having problems farther down along the line!”

Once I went back into the house, I headed straight for the bathroom. It turned out that I really did need to take a shit, so it’s a good thing he didn’t let me keep trying to condense Qi. I took a shower after that and changed into a clean set of clothing.

When I walked into the kitchen, I asked him “Why the hell do you have so many clothes for little kids? Didn’t you say you’ve been living alone for hundreds of years?” He was making some stir-fried vegetables and rice on the stove and still wearing that karate outfit. Since I was probably about four-feet tall and he was almost two-meters, I figured that there had to have been someone else living in the house recently.

He snickered, turned around and showed me a gaudy black ring on his left middle-finger. Then he casually explained “This here’s a storage device that I keep all my most valuable treasures in… It can’t hold too much stuff inside, but it’s convenient for traveling. The time inside passes really slowly compared to out here, so even after centuries, food wouldn’t go bad. These tiny ones are expensive, but I got lots uh cheap ‘Extradimensional Chests’ around the house for all sorts uh different things. I’m the only one who can use em though, so don’t think bout tryin ta steal from me ya little bastard.”

I frowned, complaining “Do I look like a fucking thief to you?” Long Di smirked, placing his hand on my head and ruffling my relatively short hair. I’m not sure why, but that creepy old bastard always gave me a weird feeling of deja vu… It was almost like I knew him in another life that I couldn’t quite remember. Actually, he kind of reminded me of my grandfather, who died when I was still a little kid. Although, my grandparents were always really kind and gentle; they never beat me unconscious before.

Honestly, that guy didn’t normally talk that much, it was just that I was a little antisocial towards the end of my last life. My parents were usually working, my brother was always in school and I was usually trying to find a job. I was pretty close to becoming a bartender, but well, death by castration happened.

So yeah, Long Di seemed to want to tell me about every piece of random information that he knew. By the time that dinner was over, I even found out that he still had living relatives. His daughter was an Elder in the Rong Clan, which was one of the top three powers in the country. Although he hadn’t been there in literal ages, he received updates every time something significant happened.

Basically, he had grandchildren, great grandchildren, all sorts of other people who were directly related to him by blood. However, since he was a pussy… I mean, a ‘pacifist’, he disagreed with the way they operated. In fact, he pretty much hated the way that the whole cultivation world required even kind-hearted bitches to become genocidal mass-murderers. At least, that was ‘his’ view of the way things were back when he was younger. For all he knew, things might have changed since then, but he had been a hermit for far too long to readjust to society again.

My perspective was still one of ignorance and adaptation. It hadn’t even been a day since I arrived, so all of my information was coming from some hardcore hippie-master of tree-hugging. He lived on a farm that mainly fed his own animals and wasn’t willing to kill anything unless it was absolutely necessary. I also discovered that he was an ‘Alchemist’, in the sense that he knew how to turn medicinal herbs into pills and powders for recreational use. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to make anything that could help cultivation.

After dinner, I walked down the hall to my room. There really wasn’t much in there aside from a bed, a writing desk and chair, some cabinets and a glass window with a cross-shaped pane. The bed’s frame was made out of ironwood, which is why it lasted for over a hundred years, but it was still kind of creaky. On the other hand, the spring mattress was in pristine condition, since Long Di had it stored in one of those fancy ‘Extradimensional Chests’.

I took my shirt and pants off, placed them onto that black writing desk and then laid down in bed with nothing but boxers on. As I stared out the window, into the beautiful starry sky, I grumbled “Fuck my life… Is it even possible for me to masturbate without porn anymore?” The answer to that question is: Yes, but it takes forever.

Fortunately, my imagination is pretty good and I’ve seen enough vaginas, assholes and cumshots to last several lifetimes. If you’re wondering why I didn’t ask Long Di for some ‘reading’ material… First of all, we only knew each other for a day and that would be kind of awkward. Secondly, ew, what the hell is wrong with you? I definitely didn’t want to touch some crusty ancient magazines, if he even had them.

Seriously though, it kind of reminded me of when I was nine years old in my last life. The internet ‘existed’, but I didn’t have my own computer, and cable porn was horrendous. I used to resort to all manner of depravity in order to jerk off, while feeling like I was doing something wrong.

“Soon… It won’t be much longer now… I just need to get stronger. Once I’m powerful enough, then I’m sure that all sorts of sexy anthropomorphic monster-girls will be interested in taking me as their mate! If it really comes down to it, I can settle for human females…”

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