“Ah, yeah, so remember how I said that I reincarnated or whatever… I kinda left out something important-ish. Umm~, like, after I died, I floated around in this ‘Chaotic Void’ place for a long-ass time. Then I saw a bunch of these weird bubbles and I met this annoying motherfucker who kept acting like I was some kinda giant monster. I think he was a Legendary Primal Deity or something? Anyway, after he exploded, I went inside of his magic bubble place and found out that I was a giant space dragon… Hmmm, some stuff happened and I met this really sexy Goddess of Nudism, with a blurry face. She was like, ‘Hohohoh~, you’re an Eternal Deity, blablabla~, here’s a super-awesome Eternal Cultivation Method… I could eat your soul, but fuck it, I’ll just give you a new body to entertain me with in a universe that I own.’ Well, that’s not really what she said, but close enough.”
For at least three minutes, Mei just glowered at me. Until finally, she crossed her arms in front of her massive breasts and asked “Let’s say that I believe your ridiculous fairy tale and this is actually a real Eternal Cultivation Method… Did that mysterious ‘Goddess’ happen to tell you how to use it? Or-”
I interjected “Nope, no fuckin clue! I figured that all I would have to do is like, have sex with you and say the words when I was about to cum. For fuck’s sake, it’s called the Karma Sutra, I thought it would be similar to the Kama Sutra. It’s based off the Dao of Eros after all. Nothing says Eros more than sex, right?”
“No, no Levi, the Eternal Dao of Eros is about ‘desires’! Everybody knows that! Desire isn’t as simple as just love or lust! It’s all encompassing! Literally, it could be anything! Why didn’t you tell me this beforehand?! I would have made sure that you didn’t use such a dangerous and unpredictable Cultivation Method! Now, now we’re probably going to be trapped in this illusion forever!” Mei was definitely freaking the fuck out, though I didn’t really blame her.
As I stared at the cum that was dripping down her inner-thighs, I muttered “Don’t be so melodramatic, seriously, how many things can a person possibly ‘desire’ anyway? For me it would probably be sex, food, power, violence, video games… No wait, this world is kinda game-like, with all the power levels and shit, plus there’s tons of fighting. What else is there?”
She retorted “What about revenge, glory, honor, family, fame and fortune? More importantly though, all of these things are way too vague! I’ll give you an example based on my own experience with the Worldly Cultivation Method. ‘I am a Shark; my scales are soft and slimy.’ That’s it! But even something so simple and specific still took me decades to reach the point where I could transform my hands and feet!”
After letting out a long sigh, I said “I don’t think it’s going to be something so obnoxiously complicated though… Just tell me honestly, what do you want more than anything else? For me, I honestly don’t know. But I’m relatively young… There’s too much that I haven’t done yet. My desires are scattered and divided… You’re different; you’ve lived forty-five years and I’m sure that you know what you want by now.”
“I… I want a child, preferably a daughter. Someone who will love me unconditionally, from now until I die of old age… I’m not really interested in cultivation, I never was. Sex is fun, but I care more about making you feel good than indulging in my own pleasures. I want to be a mother, a real mother! But, I need power first! In order to do anything in this world, you need strength! Even if I had a daughter right now, Her Majesty would probably take her from me! It’s impossible for me to become stronger though… At the most, I could reach the peak of Apprentice and I would still be a weakling. Why do those stupid fucking Heavenly laws have to exist?!”
As she finished ranting, the world around us changed again. We were standing on a mountain of broken and crushed bones, from Humans and Beasts alike. Surrounding our dreary island were oceans of dark-red blood. While the carcasses of colossal dragons floated outside of the atmosphere, as if they were satellites orbiting our tiny planet of death.
At the peak of that boner, I mean, bony hill, there were nine thrones. Each of them was made out of a totally different material. The central chair was crystalline and transparent. Directly to the right was pure obsidian, while the left was milky white-jade. Second on the right was literally made out of throbbing pink flesh, similar to the inside of a vagina or the outside of a dick. Yeah, I know, it was pretty nasty… But kinda kinky at the same time.
Opposite of that ‘Chaotic’ throne, was obviously the ‘Natural’ one. It looked super uncomfortable. Like, it was mossy green bark and there were loads of vines, flowers and fruit growing all over the place. There was a level below the five more imposing thrones, for ‘Earth’, ‘Wind’, ‘Fire’ and ‘Water’. They were in that order from left to right, directly in front of Mei and I.
“Oh, wow, this one has cute sharkies on it!” She was immediately drawn towards the bright-blue chair, which looked like it was made out of blown glass. After sitting down, she casually rubbed the white shark ornaments that were decorating the armrests. I glanced around and noticed that I didn’t really feel the ‘urge’ to head towards that stupid tree-throne.
“The truth lies in contradictory agreement.” There was a deep, yet feminine voice, which echoed out from the sky like thunder. A sharp pain shot through my left eye, into the back of my head. Then it felt like my chest was being crushed and I stared down at my tiny child-like hands. They were soaked in blood, my fingernails looked like talons and my forearms started bulging.
I gazed down and saw Mei laying beneath me, her face was withered with loads of wrinkles. All of her beautiful hair had fallen out and she had cataracts. She struggled to whisper “Let me hold… my baby…”
Then I noticed that I was holding a small infant in my arms, who seemed to be a newborn. The child opened her eyes and revealed dark-blue irises, which became light-brown a moment later. Instead of crying, the kid asked “Levi, where is my baby? What did you do with my baby?!”
Even though I had no fucking clue what kind of crack-dream I suddenly ended up in, I instinctively knew exactly what to do. I kissed the infant’s forehead, then gazed up at the dying old woman.
“I love you… Hua Mei.” The moment that I uttered those words, everything around me vanished. I was alone, falling down through thick clouds of green gas. Eventually, I smacked into an ominous crimson fog, which was thick enough that my body couldn’t even pass through.
After standing up, I looked around and quickly realized that I was inside of my own Dantian… Or at least, I was within an illusory manifestation of it. I started walking and noticed a familiar demonic skull that was floating around in that viridian smog.
Wherever the gargantuan Spirit flew, arcs of lightning constantly erupted from her horns. However, she didn’t seem to notice my presence at all. It was only after a few minutes of mindlessly wandering about, that I started ‘swimming’ through the heavy red gas.
As I went down to the densest part of the core, I noticed that it was getting increasingly darker, until I couldn’t even see anything around me. Eventually, I reached a tiny drop of blue liquid. It was shaped like a really small shark and flailing around in an attempt to escape from the depths of that bloody fog.
I smiled, whispering “You don’t belong here… but don’t worry, I’ll take you somewhere much more comfortable.”