Chapter 27: Clinical Trials

Luke, Kelsey, Iris and Lee were laying in the middle of a seemingly endless desert. As the blind girl listlessly sat upright, she asked “I can’t see shit, so can someone please tell me what the actual fuck is happening right now?”

The brown-skinned giantess looked around and complained “It’s nothin but white sand in every goddamn direction!”

Philip suddenly tasted the fine white powder and yelled “This isn’t sand, it’s cocaine?!”

After she tried it herself, Kelsey grumbled “You asshole! Got my fucking hopes up… It’s just sugar!”

“It’s still amazing though, right? An entire desert made out of nothing but powdered sugar… If it rained once, the whole place would be hardened into a single lump.” Once Luke finished saying that, he immediately realized how terrible their situation really was.

However, he wasn’t the only one who figured it out; the bald-headed, scar-covered woman shouted “So we’re on some alien planet which has a breathable atmosphere but no water?!”

“Hey, shut the fuck up for a second! Can’t you bastards hear that shit!?” Iris’ scream silenced everyone for a moment, allowing them to notice the ominous, deep and distant rumbling.

The moment that they heard that noise, everyone stared up at the ‘stary’ sky and witnessed something truly horrifying. Luke muttered “Well that’s… odd?”

Lee sighed dramatically, “I’m definitely dreaming right now; this just can’t be real. I’ve had more realistic dreams than this!”

Iris shouted “For fuck’s sake, just tell me what the hell is going on!” Her extrasensory perception wasn’t working properly, so she wasn’t able to ‘feel’ that terrifying, godlike presence.

“Nyahahahaha~, welcome~, to the JJ-zone!” A deafening voice blasted throughout the atmosphere, as an impossibly large, hot-pink sock-puppet appeared above them.

Fortunately, it was at that moment when a six-foot tall, totally naked, extremely muscular, tan-skinned man appeared. He had extremely long black hair, crimson irises, and there was a smirk on his lips as he waved his left hand out and seemed to tear a hole through the universe.

Michael snickered, asking “Holy cuntsauce… Are you really Luke Lucas? What the hell happened to you?”

Iris started laughing hysterically and yelled “Luke Lucas~! Seriously?! Your parents must have been really fucking drunk when they named you!”

Kelsey glared up at the man, scanning his body for a moment, before shamelessly suggesting “Since it’s for the sake of saving the world, I guess I have no choice but to sacrifice my chastity.”

Lee rebutted “Bitch please~, you’ve had like three boyfriends this year! I’m not usually into guys, but I’ll make an exception since it’s a matter of such importance…”

Luke smiled, explaining “Yeah, I went into the army after high school and got my legs blown off in Iraq.” Then he frowned, wondering “What exactly happened to make you… like that? How did you get involved with Arcana?”

Michael snickered, “Ah, it’s a kinda long story, which I only vaguely remember… Let’s just say that she ‘hired’ me to do a job, and made me an offer I couldn’t refuse; because of weird time-travel bullshit and other stuff.”

The legless man complained “You know that she’s planning to destroy the world, right? If she really does that, regardless of how powerful you’ve become, it wouldn’t matter…”

However, the Nephilim smirked, telekinetically yanking all four of them into that tear in Jasmine’s ‘Soul-Realm’. Then he murmured “Sometimes ignorance is bliss… other times, it’s a burden. Besides, everyone’s gotta ‘eat’, right? Heheheh~…”

 

As the four of them exited that strange portal, they arrived in a smoky crystalline cavern. The thick smog wafted through the air and caused Iris to gag, while Luke was sneezing incessantly.

The blind ‘ginger’ screamed “I’m getting sick and tired of this shit! I want my eyes back! Fuck!”

“Oh, Humans, huh? Heh~, here, drink this.” A small vial of golden liquid fell into her hands, as the blind girl was trying to ‘look’ at the woman who was standing in front of her.

The bronze-skinned, elf-eared, crimson-eyed fairy was wearing a beautiful fiery red mage’s robe, but not much else. She casually walked past the others and headed towards a huge cauldron; her body rapidly expanded and within seconds, she was a three-meter tall, orange-scaled, humanoid dragoness. “I’m Alice; I’ve already scanned the four of you, so you don’t need to introduce yourselves. I pretty much understand the situation anyway… You’re probably going to be stuck here with me for a while, so we might as well make the most of it, right? Okay, which one of you wants to participate in the first ‘clinical trial’? I’ve been brewing this ‘Dragonbane Blue-Tea’ for a while now… Who wants to test their luck? I ‘know’ it’d kill a level-thirty Dragonkin, but I wonder if it could actually make a Human stronger?”

While she was speaking, Iris hesitantly fumbled with the vial, before popping off the cork and taking it like a shot of liquer. Nothing happened until fifteen seconds later, when she began screaming in agony and rolling around on the floor.

Golden flames erupted from her eye sockets, burning a hole in the grey stone that she was banging her forehead against. Then enormous bright-blue, dove-like wings erupted from her back, as a massive wave of psychic energy bombarded the three spectators.

Unfortunately, the beautiful new limbs abruptly turned to ash and left two horrible scorch marks on the teenager’s pale shoulder blades. Yet, it was all definitely worth it, because when she propped herself up, she could actually see her own hands and the molten hole on the ground. Her original eyes had been green, but the new ones were aquamarine.

Alice snickered, “It seems the potency is a bit higher than I anticipated, but still too low to cause any negative side-effects… Well, that’s fine. Anyway, who wants to try some of this tea? It probably won’t kill you, but you might become intoxicated…”

Kelsey nervously asked “Umm, am I gonna grow wings or shoot lasers out of my eyes? Also, will it heal my broken bones?”

The dragoness stopped using telekinesis to stir the pot for a moment, before shrugging emphatically. “No fucking clue! If my ‘guess’ is right, it should be able to make you stronger though. Dragonbane is a poisonous herb, mainly used in potions to kill reptilian magical beasts and humanoids. I was originally making this to test and see the effects on my own body; it’s pretty much impossible for me to die in this place, so it’s a great way to gather useful data. Oh, and it should taste really good as well. To be completely honest, I was just thirsty and wanted to get drunk at the same time.”

Luke complained “I’ll drink some of the weird dragon-juice, but is it possible for us to get some clothes? It’s warm in here, but it’s still pretty awkward…”

It wasn’t that big of a deal when she was blind, but now that Iris could see again, she muttered “Am I the only one who sees the ten-foot tall giant lizard-woman over there? Why the fuck aren’t you guys freaked out about that?”
Lee whispered “You missed the planet-sized astral sock-puppet a few minutes ago…”

Aside from the cauldron, there were various other alchemical tools and devices, which were spread out across dozens of huge metal tables. There was also a decent amount of potions, elixirs, pills, and other medicines or drugs.

Alice extended her left hand and a large glass pitcher flew handle-first into her palm. She shoved it into the bubbling yellow liquid and quickly pulled it out, sniffing it first, before flicking her tongue out to taste the ‘beverage’.

After sitting down onto a stone throne-like chair, she ‘grinned’, announcing “Welp, it’s definitely finished… Go ahead and serve yourselves, cause I’m not going to do it for you.” The only person who was even tall enough to see into the pot was Kelsey, but there was a huge stone block on the southern side of the cauldron, so Philip and Iris were also able to access it.

As the four of them were sitting on a metal bench and each holding a beaker filled with the mysterious ‘dragon-juice’, Luke let out a long sigh. He smiled wryly and said “I guess I’ll go first… wish me luck.”

Before he could take a sip, there was a deafening explosion and chunks of crimson gore were splattered all over the cave. A bright-red serpentine tongue even stuck to the side of Kelsey’s head.

When they looked over at the demolished stone chair, covered in blood and entrails, Iris screamed “What the fucking fuck?!”

“Ow~, that kind of hurt a little… Damn it, I lost my buzz!” A three meter tall, completely naked, orange-scaled dragoness was casually stretching her brand-new body. With nothing but a thought, her seat was instantly ‘cleaned’ and ‘repaired’. She sat down and yawned, glancing at the four humans and complaining “What’s wrong with you guys; aren’t you going to drink the tea? It tastes really good…”

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6 thoughts on “Chapter 27: Clinical Trials

  1. The sock puppet comment literally has me laughing still. I’m pretty good at reading most of your stuff calmly or with a smile and a giggle… But the sock puppet comment still has me laughing so hard it hurts a bit and I think I’m crying… WHY IS IT SO FUNNY!? JJ is too powerful in her soul realm, it’s lethal humour! In more ways then one too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • When I was editing these 8 chapters I definitely ‘loled’ a bunch of times :P. Like, I probably wrote these at least a month and a half ago, so it’s almost like reading something that someone else wrote rofl.

      Liked by 1 person

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