Chapter 42: Arcana’s Pre-Game

In the briefing room, the six ‘people’ were still sitting around the table and watching videos on the holographic monitor. Beatrix whispered “During the chaos, when I still had a considerable amount of soldiers under my command, we raided all of the nearby military bases. What we couldn’t steal, we destroyed, so that they wouldn’t be able to use it against us later on. We haven’t had to deal with any jets, drones or planes in general, because most of them were already dispatched to different cities or simply sent away. Most of the US government’s political scumbags fled to Europe, Asia, Australia and even Africa, on the very first day. It was actually a good thing for us though, since there really weren’t any large organizations targeting us specifically. These ‘bandits’ that keep attacking us… They’re part of a coalition called ‘Humanity’, and like their name suggests, they aren’t mutants. They do have a decent amount of Psychers, but anyone who doesn’t look ‘human’ is a target for them to exterminate. The only reason they even know about us…”

At that point, she glared at the gorilla-man, causing him to cringe. Gabriel complained “Okay, so I kinda… dated their leader for a little while. That was like, three years ago though! How the fuck was I supposed to know that she’d turn into a post-apocalyptic Nazi bitch?! She was one of the refugees from Topeka and since I knew her, I let her group settle in the mansion across the street. Most of them turned into trees, like the other refugees, but she ended up being a Psycher that can manipulate plants. Anyway, she doesn’t actually give a shit about all this human supremacy nonsense; it was just a way for her to raise an army pretty easily. After all, there are still a decent amount of communities to the northeast and northwest of here that haven’t been infected yet. Once she left, she managed to unify them into ‘Humanity’… They basically just go around murdering people like ‘us’.”

The little brown-skinned elven girl continued where he left off, “Fortunately, they have a huge disadvantage compared to our kind: They need to avoid mana-rich zones. Even ‘we’ can’t approach some of the densest areas, but there’s also the fact that it’s far easier for them to get ‘infected’ by the various pathogens. Once they get sick, they either kill themselves or are killed by their own allies. We may only have twenty-three people in our group, but at least we don’t execute our own kind for simply ‘changing’ a little bit. Besides, we are biologically superior to humans, so there is no rational reason for us to ostracize someone just because they have gained a few odd ‘traits’ from mutated animals that they’ve eaten.”

Kelsey wondered “Okay~, so why don’t we just go wipe em out? Where’s their base? We don’t really need a huge army to do some insurgency-type spy-shit. Hell, this ginger bitch over here can talk the dumb bastards into suicide for fuck’s sake!”

Gabriel laughed wryly, muttering “So the thing is… they’re in Alaska. Like I said before, they do have a few ‘communities’ in the area and a subsidiary base a couple dozen miles to the north. They’re living in an old Cold War fallout shelter, so it’d be a little tough to attack the place head-on. Mainly though, we just don’t have the manpower to launch any sort of serious offensive. Most of our focus is on gathering supplies, fortifying our own base and defending ourselves from Humanity, roving bandit groups and well, pretty much everything else.”

Luke chucked, standing up and placing his tiny child-like palms on the glass table. After glancing around at everyone, he asked “Why don’t we just send Mike?”

Iris yelled “Yeah, we can’t keep that monster here anyway! He’s like a goddamn shitstorm magnet! It ain’t like he’s gonna die either, right? The last time we saw the bastard was at the bottom of the ocean, in a freakin weird-ass underwater spaceship thing… He had no arms or legs and we left him strapped to a table in a room that was flooding with water! Yet, somehow he managed to escape, regrow his limbs, and he totally just threw the four of us up in a bathtub.”

Philip sighed, “If we let Michael stay here, he’s definitely going to either directly or indirectly cause some sort of catastrophe… Even if some of us manage to survive, we’ll still be screwed pretty badly.”

Kelsey frowned, “Wait, didn’t Arcana say that if we could get someone to fuck him, she’d ya know, not destroy the world?”

The red-headed little girl complained “You do realize that she’s like, the Devil, right? If she wants us to do something, then we should probably try to avoid it as much as possible… She made my eyeballs explode, broke your legs and ruptured one of Phil’s testicles.”

Suddenly, Beatrix shouted “What?!” as she slammed her palms against the table and stood up. Those silver irises glowed brightly as she glared at the holographic screen; everyone was shocked at the way she reacted, but even more concerned about what they were reading.

On Arcana’s ‘official’ blog, she made a post: “Dear Humans of Earth, it has been fairly interesting ‘playing’ with you over the past few months, but alas… I have now run out of mana to bestow magical powers upon you. Thus, I have returned to the side of my ‘acquaintance’, Michael Cinagra. However, while I was ‘touring’ your tiny planet and Moon, I decided to place a few interesting ‘artifacts’ in various areas. Some special-edition Soulbound ‘legacy’ items, which will allow you to not only become powerful in this ‘life’, but also the next. You will all die eventually, it is the ‘natural’ course of events… regardless of how you might struggle to survive. Yet, these weapons, armors, trading cards, gift certificates, skill-books, tokens, plushies, and trinkets will be able to make your afterlife far more interesting. Good luck and have fun!”

Of course, Michael’s name was a hyperlink to his Facenovel profile, and below her paragraph of text, was a CGI globe. Upon the map were millions of glowing red circles; each one represented a city, town, or landmark and could be ‘zoomed-in’ on.

Beatrix glared at the screen, as she double-clicked Kansas City, and was taken to a different page of the blog. “Viridian Hell” was the title, and there was an ‘intro’ to the ‘zone’, with dozens of links, which led to ‘bestiary’ pages.

It was possible to see tiny icons on various overgrown buildings, which were considered ‘dungeons’. Gabriel muttered “What the fuck… What the fucking fuck…”

Luke started laughing hysterically, before asking“Okay then, ‘Ace of Spades’… What should we do now?”

The little elven girl went back to the blog post and clicked on the link to Michael’s Facenovel page. She immediately saw that he had just posted a video, along with the comment “Lmfao, this is actually pretty impressive.”

It was a man wearing a hockey-mask, using thread to sew together a giant stuffed kitten. However, the outside was entirely made out of zombified human babies, and it was filled with helium balloons. Once it was finished, it actually floated in the air for a few seconds, before a gigantic demonic parrot flew by and tore it apart. The undead infants rained down upon the man, and attempted to ‘gum’ him to death, but it obviously didn’t work.

As soon as the video was over, another post popped up: “Nyahahaha~, it is I, the OP, awesome, super-adorable, Jasmine Jade~! Lookie~, Mikey took a cute pic of me~!” Underneath the comment was picture of a bright-blue kitten, standing on its hind legs and trying to grab the camera. Her pink irises were radiating so much mana, that when the Psychers gazed into them, they could actually ‘feel’ a tinge of insanity penetrating into their minds.

Of course, a moment later, there was a ‘selfie’ that appeared. It was an incredibly tiny cat-girl, making a ‘duck-face’, barely covering her nipples with her left arm and using that fluffy black tail to obscure her groin.

Philip stood up, pushed his chair in and left the room, yelling “I have to umm, ‘piss’! I’ll be back in like… twenty-minutes!”

Luke smiled wryly, muttering “I actually do have to go to the bathroom. I’m not going to go masturbate like Lee.”

Iris stared at the mostly-naked cat-girl for a few seconds, before grumbling “Why does that bitch look so damn familiar?”

Kelsey shouted “Ah! That’s the kitten! She’s the crazy fucking pussy from Atlantis! Wait, holy shit, look! You can totally see Mike in the background wanking!”

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7 thoughts on “Chapter 42: Arcana’s Pre-Game

  1. Oh damn dood… Your punchlines kill me every single time! I just woke up and unlike the other guy I didn’t spit on my phone, I laughed unexpectedly hard that spit came out my damn nose… God dammit. Crude humour is too effective on me!

    Thanks for the chapter~ I was assuming that JJ was naked because they were actually having sex… But then I realized that she probably just did one of those “After Sex Selfies” that people do. I was going to do some sorta BS about how being 1m tall would make it impossible to have sex, then I realized that she was made of fucking slime… And he did indeed copulate with said slime when rein-acting (that the right word?) a scene from the “Wizard of Oz”… Kana be such a jokester though.

    Liked by 2 people

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