“I can’t believe I’m actually back on Earth…” Alicia had removed the wooden plank that was blocking the window in the basement and looked up at the bright-white moon in the sky. Even though it was cold out and the heat was on, they still needed to air the place out since they were mopping the tile floor with bleachy water.

Matt snickered, then complained “I’m sorry about the shitty lighting, but nobody ever comes down here under normal circumstances. We usually just use the basement as a fucking storage cellar… Although my dad said that this used to be his bedroom growing up.”

“It’s really not that bad.” Alicia giggled, “This place is nice compared to where I’ve been recently… Well, Azra’s bedroom at the top of the Silver Keep is pretty cozy though. Hehehe~…”

“Ah, holy shit!” Matt brought out a card from his ‘hand’. The holographic imagine floated in front of his face and asked “Are you talking about this place?”

[Structure: Azrael’s Silver Keep
Type: Fortification
Rarity: Rare
Mana Cost: 4
Description: Summons a 30 meter tall stone keep, which happens to be painted silver. This was the original and most basic design for the Silver Keep, Azrael King’s Divine Workshop. Although it is simply a four-story stone tower, it is incredibly wide and able to house many people. It can provide defense against archaic siege weapons and tactics, though it is ultimately susceptible to explosives or magical attacks. It can be played in conjunction with various Spells, Items and Creatures in order to maximize efficiency.]

“Wow! You’re just like Azra and Yuri!” Alicia gasped, then nodded her head and explained “Yep, that’s our home but… It looks like this is an old picture and description. Azra and his apprentices installed plumbing and electrical wiring, along with a bunch of weapons.”

Matt sighed, explaining “My umm, ability lets me Summon stuff from different uh, ‘worlds’ at certain points in time. Like you and your sister. I don’t really know how to break this to you but… Your ‘story’ is basically over already. If you know what I mean?”

“I don’t get it.” The curly red hair covered her face a bit, as she tilted her head and furrowed her brows. Then she pursed her lips and cautiously inquired “Are you saying that we’re dead? No, but, I know that we died and went to Hell…”

“No, more like… Imagine that you’re actually just a character in a book. The book has a beginning and an end, but it’s already written. My umm, ‘Power’ is to take people, places and things from certain points in those stories and turn them into reality. Or something like that. Even though I say it that way, it’s not like I personally put you and your sister into cards, okay? That was somebody else. I just inherited this ability from them…”

Alicia sighed, then murmured “I think I understand. I… I’m not the real Alicia Healy, am I? I’m just a copy…”

Matthew laughed awkwardly, then rebuked “You’re just as real as everything else, okay? Anyway, it’s better not to worry about those kinds of philosophical questions. Right now, we need to clean the house. My mom and I might end up selling it… Or we might not. I don’t know yet. Things are really complicated right now. Plus with that terrorist attack only a mile or so away, the property value is gonna plummet. Ugh, it pisses me off just thinking about it.”

“Pft~!” Alicia snickered, “Ah, sorry… It just feels so weird to see someone worried about ‘normal’ stuff like that.”

“Okay, how ‘bout this then? There’s about to be a civil war and Maryland is gonna probably turn into one of the main battlefields. Then there’s probably gonna be a third World War and eventually, it’ll literally be the end of the world. I’m not talking about a hundred years from now either. This is all shit that’ll happen in the near future. So yeah, you’re right! Why the fuck am I even worrying about selling the house or whatever?! Regardless of whether I can sell it or not, I can’t escape the shitstorm that’s gonna happen! Yet right now, I’m wasting my time mopping up some stranger’s piss off my basement floor!”

“Aww~, it’ll be okay Sweetie.” When Alicia saw that Matt was having a panic attack, she didn’t get scared or upset. Instead, she walked over to him and gave him and comforting hug. Rubbing her hands on his back and patting him, as if she was consoling a small child.

“Uh, uh, umm, thanks… I guess…” Obviously Matt was totally uncomfortable with the beautiful stranger’s physical contact, but he didn’t push her away. In fact, he was afraid to even touch her at all.

When she saw how embarrassed he was, she giggled and then grabbed the mop from his hands. Alicia told him “I can do this kind of stuff myself. Why don’t you start putting all the broken junk in trash bags and throwing them away outside?”

Matt sighed, nodded his head and dejectedly followed her orders. He started to realize that whenever he Summoned ‘Heroes’, they would always seem to be far more assertive and adaptable than he was…

An hour after Alicia was Summoned, Matthew drew a new card to his hand. By that time, the basement was finally cleaned up. All of the broken items were thrown away, while the floor was mopped up completely. It was actually much cleaner and less cluttered than Matt had ever seen it.

“Hey look what I just drew!” Matt was excited as he showed the orange-haired girl the card in his hand.

“Lucky Hospital Beds?” Alicia slowly read the description, “That’s pretty neat. But where are we going to put them? The basement?”

He snickered, “We might as well. It’s probably the cleanest place in the whole house at the moment anyway.”

“I’m not tired though. I feel like I’ve only been awake for an hour or so… I am getting a bit hungry. We should clean up the kitchen next and then make something to eat.”

Thus, Alicia once again decided what they were going to do, without even asking for Matthew’s opinion. Of course, he didn’t disagree with her decision or argue pointlessly either.

Neither of them spoke much while they were cleaning up the kitchen. However, Matt was slowly starting to get used to her presence and becoming more comfortable following her ‘orders’. Eventually, they managed to clean the place up and sit down at the kitchen table to eat some heated-up canned Manhattan clam chowder.

Another hour had passed and Matt got rid of Angry Pigeons, in order to draw a new card. He couldn’t help grumbling “Why the hell do I always draw this stupid card?”

[Creature: Ethereal Phallus
ID Code: Eros-D13
Type: Monster
Rarity: Rare
Mana Cost: 2
Mana Upkeep per Day: 1
Description: Summons a powerful Enhancement Spirit, which happens to be shaped like a human penis. It was once an ancient Rank-D treasured dagger, but when its physical form was destroyed, the weapon’s Soul escaped. The Ethereal Phallus enjoys thrusting in and out of holes. If there are no holes for it to penetrate, then it tends to create them. Although it isn’t very powerful on its own, when the Spirit takes control of sharp weapons, it becomes extremely fearsome. Not recommended for those who care deeply about their chastity.]

“Hehehe~, what’s wrong with it? I think it’s actually kind of cute…” Alicia took the card from his hand and looked at it up close, but then something strange occurred. It was automatically Summoned.

“Ah~!” When the card transformed into a transparent, glowing-red penis, Alicia’s first reaction was to grab it tightly in her hands and squeeze it. The strange creature wiggled around and struggled, while a slimy ectoplasmic fluid was secreted from its shaft.

“Oh my God!” Before Matthew had the chance to Unsummon the Creature, it was already thrusting in and out of Alicia’s mouth.

Stole this meme from https://lightningfastbullshit.com/btftliaw-chapter-496/ lmao.

 

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