Okay~ then, so I have a few things to announce.  First of all, fuck my life, I woke up a day ago, after spending a whole day in agony, I finally started having trouble breathing and decided “Fuck it, I don’t wanna die!” and went to the ER.  In case you’ve never been to a hospital before, no, they aren’t like the ones in TV shows!  Goddamn it, I got there at 1:30 Am and sat in a waiting room until like 5 or 6 am!  The worst part is that I was actually one of the luckier people, because there were some who had to wait over 12 hours…

Anyway, after that I finally got to go to ‘my’ room, where I laid on a bed that was terribad, even by my standards.  I waited there for 3 hours before a resident asked me some questions and felt my abdomen etcetera.  Eventually, he left and I had to wait for another hour, before his supervising doctor finally arrived.  The two of them tag-team finger-banged my anus and didn’t find anything too fucked up, so they sent me to get a couple X-rays.

The moral of the story is that I spent 10 hours waiting and lost my anal virginity to find out that I just have really bad gas.  Apparently I wasn’t dying and even though I ‘feel’ like I’m on the brink of self-detonation, I’m probably going to ‘live’.

Unfortunately, while I am still semi-conscious, all of my attention is focused on learning out to fart again.  I don’t know what the future holds at the moment, so I probably won’t be able to keep the schedule for next weekend of editing and posting chapter 8-15 of Book 2 of “Hardcore OP-ness”.

Luckily for all of you, I already finished editing and scheduling chapters 1-7 before the shit “didn’t” hit the fan and my life turned into a game of fart or die.  Sigh~, I honestly have never liked fart-jokes, but “What you say is what you get.” and I believe I can fart… Ugh, I feel like Gas-X is a lie!

Now that the story of my life has been disclosed, I’d like to mention something else depressing.  I wrote like 5,200 words out of 11,000-ish for that Original Novel Contest that Gravity is doing and I definitely would have easily been able to write the rest if my asshole hadn’t stabbed me in the backside.(I’ve been awake for way too long to give a fuck how lame these jokes are…)

Anyway, it’s a first-person Xianxia story and since I won’t be able to finish it in the time limit, I’ll just start posting it on here.  I wanna have at least 20 or 30 chapters first before I start releasing them.  I’ve got like 3 lol.  Although, I might end up posting a few as a teaser to see if people actually like it rofl.  If it’s a train-wreck, then I won’t even bother continuing it… For now though, I just need to ‘relax’ and not have any panic attacks while trying to struggle to create a proper gas-leak without killing myself.

Okay, seriously though, I’m finally taking that break from writing that I was supposed to do like forever ago.  If I write anything now, it’ll just be filled with bad fart-jokes and depression.

22 thoughts on “FML

  1. You could try taking a really warm bath. Helped my brother when he had the same problem. But he was only like 7 years old then, dunno if the same thing applies.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Back in hischool…
    2 days after camping
    im lying in my death bed
    Holding my mum arm
    Thinkinng “this is it im going to hell, gbye evry one and im sorry mom”
    The pain is like a huge bitch dancing inside me + wolverine claw
    After 2H of pain, mom bring me some warm water (not some weak luke warm but not hot enough tu burn your tounge)
    And im keep drink ing and sudenly big bomb fart happend and the pain goes down alitle. Every glass every fart the pain ease a bit more and i passed out/ cry to sleep (cant remmember the detail)
    Morning straight to the doc and the result “your torso are half ballon, too much gas”
    I realy hope it help you all, just try some warm water if you feel like dying

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Although it may or may not help, in my experience the thing that makes me fart more than anything else is slim jims(spicy sasquatch). Whenever I eat those things I’m like a balloon with a hole in it. I don’t know if it’ll help you or not, but that and some laxatives would probably help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, the problem is actually that I was constipated, took laxatives for like a week, and now I’m totally empty and I can’t get the gas out? Like, I need to eat things to make it better, but I’m afraid lol. I did just eat some cucumber and I feel a bit better now though. It’d be a horrible idea to eat something that makes me gassier rofl.


      • I know that feeling my friend, and honestly. It’s been so long since I’ve had those feelings that I can’t give you any advice on how to feel with those panic attack like situations sadly… I wish I could, honestly. You’re a really cool dude, but I’m really bad at the advice part of life! It’s one of those things you gotta figure out on your own after all.

        Good luck with dealing with that my friend, good luck! I wish I could help you, but I’m technically, barely an adult at my age currently (19 on the 28th of Feb ya know?) so I’m not really qualified to help you with any of your problems currently.

        Liked by 1 person

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