“Giant zombie monsters, a magical pussy demon, an underwater superbase… Seriously, this is probably the weirdest goddamn day of my entire fucking life!” Kelsey King was sitting down in the corner of the elevator, still completely naked aside from the casts on her legs.

Iris complained “Who was that crazy bitch anyway? It sounded like some little girl was yelling earlier…”

The adorable blue kitten was licking the blood and gore off of her paws, as she explained “Nyah~, that was Mahou Shoujo Kuro-chan! She’s a super-duper OP, necro-ninja hardcore princess of darkness and death! Her special skills are using scissors to chop off pee-pees and spoons to scoop out coochies! This one time, she totally shoved her spiky tentacle up my pooter and, and, and I got preggers! Meow~! But, but my babies were all, like, wormies and… they died~! Wah~! They all died~, cause these like, spider-thingies popped outta her pimples and ate my babies~! Oh, but then I was like, all happy and stuff, cause at least one of them survived in the end, but, but then Elly accidentally murdered it…”

After hearing that, pretty much everyone, including Carly was confused and terrified; not just because a cat was telepathically crying inside of their minds, but mainly because of the mysterious creature’s description.

Aoi eventually asked “Her name’s actually Black Magical Girl? Is she black, like the big bald bitch over there, or like ‘black magic’?”

However, Jasmine just grumbled “Nyah~, I’m bored, you’re boring~! This is boring~! Mikey~! I want Mikey~! Take me to Mikey~!” as she rolled around on the metal floor.

Luke snickered, muttering “This strange beast is just like a ‘real’ cat… Maybe it’s some sort of ‘land deity’, assuming that they exist?”

Lee suggested “We really should bring her to Mike… I mean, he was our friend once upon a time, so we shouldn’t just leave him in this hellhole while we escape.”

It was then that the tall and relatively fat man in the corner yelled “Oh hell no! Are you guys insane?! First of all, that monster is in the most heavily guarded part of Atlantis, but more importantly, we can’t take that ‘thing’ with us!”

Commander Smith frowned, “We saved your asses, because we can’t operate one of the subs with just the two of us! It’s gonna be hard enough making it to the harbor and stealing one without anyone dying… Actually, the two of them look like they’re already on Death’s door, so we probably shouldn’t bring them along. The little girl smells like she won’t live much longer either… some kind of cancer?”

Carly glared at the woman and shouted “I might be dying, but my mom isn’t going to die!” Then she turned to the bright-blue purring critter and begged “Magic Kitty, please, you have to save my mom! Can’t you use your superpowers again and heal her more?”

The cat was pacing around the elevator and casually mentioned “Meh~, this ‘Chilly Meow-Meow Exploder’ isn’t made to do that kinda stuff though? Sides, I’m OoM! Nyah~, if you want to fix her boo-boos you need to take me to Mikey~! I’m sure he’ll know what to do…”

“Luke, I really hope you guys haven’t forgotten already, but this weird tiny creature nearly got us killed at least once so far… Also, while she looks all ‘innocent’ and ‘harmless’, I definitely saw the bitch blow herself up and kill loads of people! So, my vote is that we don’t keep this temperamental monster around anymore… She’s literally a ticking time-bomb.” Kelsey obviously didn’t trust Jasmine, though from their expressions, neither did anyone else except for the naive little girl.

During their whole conversation, the elevator hadn’t actually moved more than a few meters downwards before stopping with the doors firmly shut. Captain Cummings closed his crimson eyes and let out a deep sigh, then he said “Enough, we don’t have time for all of this bullshit… I’m sure you can hear that thumping noise, right? This ship was built to withstand water pressure that’s absurdly high, but it isn’t unbreakable. That giant zombie-whatever thing, is damaging the structural integrity of the entire base; that means there are only two possible outcomes that Admiral Cain can choose from: Doing nothing and allowing the whole place to fall apart… or-ah~!”

As he was speaking, the room started tilting at a fifty-degree angle and pretty much everyone else screamed, falling onto him, Kelsey and Philip. It wasn’t just there though, the entire superstructure was suddenly tilting and rumbling violently.

Luke’s left elbow smacked into a large red button, and the doors swiftly slid open, causing everyone to start flailing around. They were sliding helplessly through an extremely long hallway, as a loud, deep voice announced “Everyone brace for major turbulence! The eastern anchors have been released, the western anchors will be automatically released in three seconds… Releasing now!”

After that, the ground wobbled a few times, causing the guards in the hall and the cluster of sliding nudists to smack into the walls. However, it did eventually settle down and level-out for the most part, but the ground was still rumbling fiercely. A blaring siren was resounding everywhere and the generic red lights were flashing constantly.

“Captain Cummings, Sir, why have you brought so many blood-bags out of the ‘brig’?!” The whole group had coincidentally managed to slide from the elevator, all the way past the dozens of disoriented vampires and only stopped when they reached right outside of where Michael was being held.

Commander Smith glared at the man and screamed “Lieutenant Wilson, who are ‘you’ to question a superior officer’s decisions?!” Without giving him the chance to respond, she used the back of her hand to smack across his face, and then yelled “Did I say you could speak, Mosquito?! Now open the door and let us in! Or did you wish for me to tear out your fangs for insubordination?!”

The relatively short man hurriedly followed her orders, but once the whole group was inside, including the two unconscious members, he used the radio on his wrist to report “Admiral, you were right about Captain Cummings… I believe that he is likely planning to mutiny or desert! He is currently inside of the ‘containment cell’, along with Commander Smith and nine prisoners!”

“Hmph, that isn’t very surprising… Fine, seal them inside and flood the chamber. We cannot waste any manpower dealing with those traitors! Captain Wilson, take your squad and assemble in ‘The Garden of Eden’ immediately!” Joseph was already on his way there, with a contingent of several dozen vampiric seamen; regardless of the danger, they needed to exterminate the undead as quickly as possible.

 

As soon as Luke, Iris, Kelsey and the others entered the room, the thick steel door fell down behind them. When she heard the ‘thump’ noise, Lexi shouted “Fuck! That bastard locked us in here!”

“Mikey~! Meow~, open~ it~!” Jasmine was frantically scratching at the window, as she stared at the torso that was strapped to an operating table. There was also a headless corpse of some woman that she didn’t know or care about, but that wasn’t important enough for her to notice.

With Isabelle in her arms, Doctor Takahashi unhesitantly went forward, pressed the button to open the door and went inside. Captain Cummings yelled “Hey, wait! Be careful! That monster is really dangerous!”

Regardless of the warning, Luke lifted his body with his hands and ‘walked’ into the chamber, followed by Iris helping Carly drag Jane by the ankles, and the Kelsey-Lee combo. There was no longer any other way to go but towards that mysterious and terrifying unconscious man, so the two vampiric sailors reluctantly entered as well.

They were both aiming their black assault rifles at his head, preparing for the worst, though it was difficult for the situation to devolve any farther. Yet, amazingly, something worse did manage to occur; the door shut behind them and then the room began flooding with copious amounts of cold water from the sprinkler on the ceiling.

Jasmine leaped up from the floor, landing next to Michael’s head and rubbing her face against his cheek. She purred happily, as Luke nervously asked “Um, guys, can you help me out here? I’m not really the best swimmer…”

Aoi screamed “Alright, we brought you to him! Now how can I save Izzy?! And how the fuck are we supposed to get outta here now?!”

“Nyah~, so annoying~! Just go inside of Mikey’s thingy and you’ll be fine~… Like, he has to touch you, and then you’ll go ‘wosh’ and be all happy-times~! Hehehe~, go~, do it~, grab his boobies, or poke his nose! Meow~, stop being such a fraidycat! Lookie~, like this-” As she was rubbing against his neck, the tiny kitten abruptly vanished into thin air. There were no amazing lighting effects, or mystical incantations, she simply disappeared.

Carly climbed up onto the bench and pulled Jane’s arm up with her, rubbing the man’s bearded cheek with her mother’s hand. Unfortunately, there was no response at all, so she cried “Wah~, please, Magical Mikey~, save my mom! Take us all away from this evil place! I wanna go ho-”

Her last word was cut short, as both the little girl and tattooed woman were instantly gone. Kelsey yelled “Holy shit! It actually works! Hahahaha~, we ain’t gonna die!” as she ran over and started roughly fondling Michael’s left peck and squeezing his shoulder tightly.

Lee sighed, muttering “What are the odds that we won’t just blink out of existence or get disintegrated into nothingness?” The moment he touched the man’s forehead, the two of them vanished.

“Well, I’d rather take my chances with the weird magic-trick, than drown to death out here!” Luke climbed up onto the bench and channeled a bit of his psychic energy into the man’s face, before disappearing.

Then Iris grumbled “What the fucking fuck am I even touching right now?! Eww~, it feels like a-”

After that, Lexi turned towards the tall and overweight man, muttering “Dave… I’m sorry for unfriending your on Facenovel, but you shouldn’t have spoiled ‘Celestial Battles 7: The Drive Restarts’. You’re a dick.”

Captain Cummings frowned, yelling “It was just ‘one’ meme that vaguely mentioned something that happened in the first scene! You’re literally one of the only people I even talked to on there, and the only reason I would go there was to watch the damn cute animal videos you shared with me! Whatever, if we manage to survive this somehow, you better add me again!”

Once they were done yelling at each other, they both placed their left hands onto Michael’s chest. However, unlike the others who were totally naked, there was a slight difference with them: All of their guns, ammunition, clothing and other equipment fell down into the water, as their bodies spontaneously disappeared.

In the end, the only person in that flooding room was the unconscious, armless and legless man, who was strapped to an operating table.