HCOP Book 2, Chapter 92: Cultivation

Michael yelled “There’s nothing wrong with JJ and we can’t kill her even if we wanted to! She ain’t nearly as crazy as she acts, so calm the fuck down! Also, we all remember the shit that happened before the time-travel explosion nonsense, so you don’t need to reiterate everything I said already!”

After he calmed down a bit, he gazed around at his six Soul-Mates, and finally made a decision.

“The last time we fused together into a single entity, it only lasted for a few minutes. However, within that state, we were a totally different person. Our seven personalities meshed into one and we were well… balanced? Like, each of us has plenty of problems, but we also have amazing talents and abilities! Jasmine might be the ‘smartest’ among us, ironically, and she’s an incredible artist. Obviously, she sucks at everything musical… She also has trouble focusing. Sure, she has a few quirks, like the annoying ‘nyah’ stuff, but it’s still adorable.

“Inari is a fox… Literally a magical-beast that I kinda created on a whim. By human standards she’d definitely be a full-blown psychopath, considering how ‘charismatic’ she is and the way she’s willing to eat her own children without hesitation or remorse. Well, I do think that she has emotions, but it’s a little hard to tell sometimes. She’s a shapeshifter… Yeah, I can’t really think of any other special skills she has, but whatever.

“Tali is obviously the oldest among us, so she kinda-sorta has the most experience? Although, it’s possible that my soul might be like super ancient or something, so who knows… Unfortunately, if I can’t remember anything useful about my mysterious other lives, then it doesn’t really matter. The two of us are both awesome musicians! She’s really good at shooting people with bows and her swordsmanship… swordswomanship? Her gender-neutral blade-wielding technique, is pretty good.

“Of course, Sarah is the best at murdering people with sharp objects. Elly has that whole ‘Priestess’ vibe going on, and can shoot death-rays out of her eyes-”

He was going to continue giving out awkward praises to his girlfriends, when Alice finally interjected “Okay, stop, nobody cares! We get the point! Let’s just have a soul-orgy and turn into Minari again!”

Talia explained “We cannot merely fornicate together and instantly achieve total unity… If there were only two of us to deal with, then it would be far easier to achieve true solidarity. Unfortunately, due to the complex emotions and differing opinions regarding morality and logic… It is unlikely for seven individuals to ever completely become a single entity.”

Jasmine suggested “Nyah~, souls are just like, mana-bodies, so umm, can’t we just ya know, do the thingy? Umm~, meow~, JJ’s brainbox feels weird… Oh, we should make a super-mega awesome giant robot!”

Sarah glared at the six of her Companions for a while and eventually yelled “Enough stupid fucking bullshit ideas! It’s pretty damn obvious what we gotta do!”

Everyone was staring at her, as she said “We just need ta train. It ain’t that complicated! Stop thinkin about it so hard! Forcing a fuck-fusion ain’t gonna solve nothin. Mike, bring all the money here and turn it into pure mana. Then we just absorb it… slowly. Look, we don’t need ta rush. Ya’ll can talk, bitch or whine about your problems all ya want, but it won’t actually help us in any way. It don’t matter how much time passes out there or in here, it don’t mean shit. Once we finish strengthening our souls, we can fuse or stay separate, cause it won’t really make a difference anyway! Then we can worry about making our physical body stronger. Just keep in mind that once we go back to Arcana, it ain’t likely that she’ll let us stay so powerful.”

Jasmine gasped, clapping her hands excitedly and praising “Woah~! I didn’t know Wormy could say smart things too! Nyahahahaha~! The two of us are obviously the brains of this operation, meow~!” Everyone except for the pregnant fox-girl sighed at the same time, glaring at the happy kitten.

“Stupid cat!” Inari’s left arm reached over and grabbed her by the throat, squeezing until her tiny neck snapped.

However, it only took a few seconds for the ‘dead’ avatar to transform into pink slime and fall onto the floor. Then it swiftly turned into another cat-girl, who hid behind the Nephilim and screamed “Nyah~! Foxy’s been possessed by Little Chao-Chao! Mikey~, save me!”

Michael frowned, announcing “Okay, enough fucking around! We’re going with Sarah’s idea! I’ll bring the money over now…” Suddenly, a gigantic pile of gold appeared at the center of their ‘circle’. There was also a small stack of copper, silver and white jade, along with a single obsidian coin.

He explained “It ain’t that hard ta turn em into mana. Pick a coin and imagine you’re sucking on something… Like a penis, a clit, an asshole, a nipple, or whatever you prefer. Then just ya know, like, do that with your hand?”

Inari grabbed a bunch of gold and casually tossed them into her mouth. Once she started chewing, there were deafening crunching noises and her teeth were totally destroyed. After whimpering and whining loudly, she transformed into a green python and simply swallowed them whole. The pregnant serpent slithered around a bit and then coiled up, before entering a deep and profound state of hibernation.

Alice picked a few pieces of silver and suggested “Yeah, you guys probably shouldn’t follow her example. Even a single copper has a million mana-points within it, so be careful you don’t bite-off more than you can chew… Get it? Hahahaha~! Anyway, I’m gonna go over there and brew some Mana-Beer. I would’ve done this kind of shit sooner, but I figured that you didn’t want me to waste all our money creating drugs and booze.” Dozens of tables filled with alchemical ingredients and equipment materialized in the northeast corner of the room, and the dragoness immediately began working.

Talia took a single gold coin and walked over to the southwest corner, creating a huge kitchen out of thin air. She asked “Both Alicia and Inari have the proper idea… However, I believe that we should be eating meals instead of taking dangerous narcotics. Miguel, would you like for me to cook some spaghetti or perhaps, something a bit more complex?”

Jasmine yelled “Nyah~! JJ wants cheesecake! And, and pepperoni pizza! And, and, and a Meow-Meow Daiquiri! Oh~! And an Ally-Cat Special!”

Alice snickered, asking “Do you want a bone-marrow injection or an enima?”

Elina muttered “I guess this is kind of like Enchanting… or meditating… I’ve never been very good at training.” She reached out and picked a piece of copper to start with. After holding it with both hands, the vertical golden eye on her forehead fired out a beam of blinding light. Then her wings spread out as wide as possible, before glowing brightly. Just like that, she entered a trance and completely ignored everything that was happening around her.

Sarah smirked, picking the most precious and expensive coin of all. A thick aura of icy death swirled around her metaphysical body and then it began to eat away at that piece of obsidian. She murmured “This is gonna take for fucking ever…”

Michael used telekinesis to pull thirty copper coins into his right hand, which then instantly transformed into a pure-white mist. That gaseous mana wafted out and swiftly filled the entire cubic room, saturating everyone in a potent element-less aura.

After taking in a deep breath, four dove-like wings erupted from behind his back. However, they swiftly turned jet-black for a moment, before tiny colorful dots started appearing. Within moments, there were galaxies, trillions of stars, nebulae, and objects that were too small and seemingly insignificant to even be seen.

As two gazelle-like horns emerged from his head, the demonic Nephilim turned to the southwest and asked “Ah, do you think you could maybe make some angelic tacos? Either that or Light-Human burritos… I don’t know, I’m just really in the mood for something that I can pour lots of Sarah’s spicy purple blood-sauce onto. Is it weird that I’m kinda craving direwolf-steaks? I mean, I’ve only had it a few times, but I’m just really in the mood for something other than spaghetti or sushi… Actually, do you think we have any of that rhino-sausage left? Maybe with a side of demonic bacon and a golden-crab cake? Hmmm~, and a dryad salad! Also, since we’re technically just spirits or whatever, doesn’t that mean you’re making ‘soul-food’?”

Alice yelled “Mike, you will never be punny!”


7 thoughts on “HCOP Book 2, Chapter 92: Cultivation

  1. Soul food! Haha that’s great. I was wondering when I’d get to read more of this just a couple of days ago.

    I’m not sure which of your stories I like best. They’re all very entertaining. Keep on rocking, Mike!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: HCOP Book 2, Chapter 91: Insanity | Mike777ac

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